2008 Can Eat Donuts!

Prepare to jump around more than Kris Kross (I forgot how young they were).

The holidays were pretty good.  Definitely better than last year.  Every year I connect a little more with one or two members of my family that I hardly ever talk to.  So maybe by the time I'm 50 I can know my own family decently.  We had probably 90 people or so at our Christmas Eve gathering.  My two cousins Dean and Joey did the 12 Days of Christmas again.  It's a sight to behold.  I was told someone filmed it and was placing it on YouTube, but no such luck.  Maybe they'd flag it for exposed middle-aged buttocks.  Yeah, that's right.  If I were placing a link on here, I would not have given you such a warning.

We took more Christmas Day pictures with the manger scene and such.  I'm not posting them here, but they're on Facebook, so you can check them out if you have the proper permissions and whatsnots.  Ha ha... snots.  I did get a present that is the one to brag about.  It's a calendar called "Monthly Doos."  Yeah, it's a calendar featuring a different dog doo at a different scene each month.  It's pretty rockin' and I guess I can start using it come tomorrow.

Yes, tomorrow.  Tomorrow is January 1st, 2009.  And I think we all knows what that means.  Just about 3 years left until the end of the world.  Well technically it's almost 4 years away.  But just make sure you achieve everything you ever wanted to do, or give me anything you ever wanted to give me (a magic set, a sexy kiss, a thimble, a million dollars, a spaceship, humus), just in case the world ends by an alien race of Mayan Indians destroying the world after drawing elaborate crop circles in each and every corn field on Earth and abducting all of our Tom Hanks movies to watch on their way back to Uranus.  I love the Your-anus joke!  Seriously, when was the last time you heard that?  Do clean people with attractive butts hear that joke more often because it's not that offensive.  They know their butt is nothing to be ashamed of.  Where nobody wants to think of gross, lumpy butts, that are covered with filth and left over pieces, so do ugly butts hardly ever hear that hallmark knee-slapper?  We should do a study.

New Year's Eve is always a weird night for me.  I never feel like I have a real place to go.  I almost always seem to find somewhere to go with people I know, but it'll be last minute, like, "oh yeah, do you want to come?"  And wherever I end up, it's always with one or two people I know pretty well, a couple I know alright, and half I've hardly or never met.  New Year's Eve makes me feel like I really don't have a solid friend base.  My friends are spread wide and thin, where most of them aren't friends with each other, as they are with me.  It's just strange.  Is this a normal feeling/situation?  So tonight I'll probably end up with my family and their friends.

Last night was Battle of the Bands.  I was pretty much in charge of the event, which ended up bringing in almost 400 people (over 400 with the bands and staff I'm sure).  It was our biggest event yet.  Kind of stressful at the beginning, but once it got going, and staff people actually showed up, it almost ran itself.  I hope I did an OK job running it.  I don't think anyone would really notice anything wrong with it, but I know a few things I wanted to do that just didn't happen.  But it was a success, and I'll probably spend tomorrow creating an in-depth spread sheet analyzing tallies and ticket stubs in relationship to money brought in and tickets sold.

I think I need something or someone to spice up my life a bit and make it more exciting, or at least different.  Any thoughts?  I was thinking John Stamos.  I look at him and think, there is a guy who can make a life exciting just by being close to it.  He probably has awesome stories about Bob Saget.  And maybe when I die he'll come to my funeral.

But yeah, lately I've been feeling like it would be nice to have some sort of wingman, you know, the buddy that is always around or some type of female friend that I could constantly ridicule and tease and throw donuts at.  Yeah.  Then, life would be good.  Why is it SO hard to find a girl you can throw donuts at?  It could eventually become like a Chucky Cheese game, where if she got good enough, I would throw donuts at her and she would just unhinge her jaw and swallow them whole.  At some point she would get sick of me throwing donuts at her face and want to make it a positive.  This decision would be win-win.  She gets to eat donuts, and I get an entertaining game of skill to compete at... oh yeah, and she gets morbidly obese.  Thus is life.

Alright Kristin, you're the only one who reads my blog, so I expect some comments.

Nothing Worse Than Left-Over Pieces

Have you seen these new Charmin commercials with the bears who obviously have some sticky butts. The whole thing is about the major issue of toilet paper sticking to the bottoms of bears and possibly humans.

If you haven't seen them, take a peek.




Is there some big epidemic of butts full of shredded toilet paper that I don't know about? Are there lots of people saying, "If only SOMEBODY would make a toilet tissue that wouldn't cling to my anus, THEN maybe my mother would stop running after me with an industrial cleaning brush aimed at my butt!" Well buddy, maybe you should keep your dangling butt chads to yourself, instead of exposing your badunkadunk and rubbing it against the community football.

Remember these commercials. I believe that in the next 10-15 years we will see a drastic rise in young people freely exposing themselves in public, followed by a sudden gleam of light flashing from their extremely clean rear.

God made us to be ashamed of our naked butts! These unholy clingons aid our shame, thus I must assume they are God's will. Don't take the Mark of the Beast, mass produced by Charmin. But if you are too weak to resist the temptation of an effectively wiped backside; if you've already been deceived by the flex-weave... I guess I'll see you in hell.

Oh yeah, and it feels nice when you rub it on your face too.

Splitting Hairs

I'm getting somewhat annoyed and frustrated this holiday season.

My mother asked me to cut my hair for her Christmas present. I know that she asks for this in a way that is wanting what is best for me, but I also know she doesn't spend hours pondering the pros and cons of manufacturing your appearance. Regardless, I figured at this point it would be a better move to cut it for the sake of her feeling good, than for her to resent and nag me the entire holiday season.

After cutting my hair there is an influx of compliments. "Looking hott," "You look so much better now," "Finally!" "You looked like a little boy with long hair, now you look like a man," "You truly do look great with that haircut." I even felt like my roommate was hitting on me, and wished I had a lock on my door that night. Compliments are supposed to make you feel good about yourself, but these "compliments" are making me feel lousy. It's so discouraging when I want to have a positive impact on people in the ways that matter, yet everyone is so hung up on my appearance. It makes me feel like they're trying to induct me into The Beautiful People's Club.

Especially in context of properly teaching teenagers, I've thought about the implications of compliments on physical attributes. They surely can encourage self-esteem. They can also encourage self-absorbtion, disorders focused on maintaining "beauty" at any cost, and imbalanced self-worth. And of couse, gazing down the road, looks don't usually last a lifetime. When a person builds their self-worth upon something as flimsy as appearance, what do they do when it all comes crashing down; either at once by some sort of accident, or gradually with age.

The public is never satisfied either. Now that my hair is cut, they focus on the next issue at hand. "When are you going to cut that thing off?!? (in reference to my beardish thing)" Once I cut that off, they'll probably want me to start going for some sort of skin treatments at my uncle's Skin Center. And as I continue to do what they want, they will compliment me and encourage me to commit further and further to their Beautiful People's Club. But I'll never be free from ridicule. I believe that those who care about such things, and give you a discouraging encouragement (e.g. you weren't good enough before, but now that you're more like us you're better) are the same people who talk behind your back, or silently dwell on what they find superficially negative about you.

I don't want to be like that, yet I'm surrounded by it. I want to save others from this disease of being o verly critical of things that don't matter whatsoever (amazingly these same people tend to not be the ones who emerse themself deep in thought on the most important issues, but adopt shallow, common views). If not for their own sake, for mine. I'm more superficial than I'd like to be, and I know that it is caused and perpetuated by this rooted issue.

I'm not opposed to looking good, or looking how you want. I'm not opposed to being attractive. But why do I need to be physically appealing to my mother? My friends? Strangers? Shouldn't I focus on being attractive to them in personality, deeds, and love? Except for that "special someone" I don't think physical attractiveness should play the role it currently does in society. And even that special someone should be far more attracted to the person than the look, because, once again, it could go away at any time. Then where would you be?

Fasting

16"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Treasures in Heaven

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

- Matthew 6:16-21

Don't go out and make yourself look horrible because of this. But a smile and a great attitude would be a better disguise than hair gel and makeup. This is most certainly a fast... a fast from physical obsession. But if you can gain joy and peace and an attitude to go out and love who God has made you to be, how will it look like a fast to everyone else? They're going to want what you've got. Don't be convicted out of guilt, be convicted with a heart that desires life.

Go after the things that don't rust and wither. Value and pursue things that matter, for where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.

And regardless of whether you want to give an ear to living the way I suggest, at least consider how you compliment someone. Does it enliven the real or does it boost the superficial? Is this an uplifting encouragement or is it a discouraging encouragement?

Alright, I'm off to go play Pretty Pretty Princess.

Let's Cheer For Christmas Cheer

The last several Christmasses... Christmas's... Christmasi... San Diegans have felt off. It was like I didn't even sense Christmas coming (despite the radio stations playing Christmas music mid November), and then before I knew it, everything was over. Then I was left longing for something that didn't even seem to happen. In fact probably my favorite part of the holiday last year was taking some ridiculous pictures in the front lawn (displayed below).

I think they really captured what Christmas is really about now... Blasphemy! Jesus and the American flag... Lacey as the Virgin Mary, me replacing Jesus... flirting with the Mother Mary, and Jesus with a giant TV remote.

This Christmas feels better. I have some Christmas cheer that is appropriate to what the holiday is really about. I'm actually glad Christmas music is on the radio, and I have even been playing some on my computer (Sufjan Stevens currently). I am experiencing a certain amount of joy about it all. Perhaps my family is becoming a little closer than it has been in years past and that has something to do with it. But I think I just have a more balanced attitude this season. I'm encouraged for those who are standing up for what is right this season, and I feel like I am in some way a part of that.

Maybe I feel a little bit of the generous spirit of the holidays warming my heart because I've been actively trying to live generously in my life (holiday or not). Over the last several months I have engaged with individuals who have needs, and I've sacrificed to help meet those needs. Christmas often feels like a time of obligatory giving, and that's the problem... I feel obligated to give so that I can convince myself I am not selfish or something. But I'm content with the lifestyle I am moving towards. I don't feel bad about giving less to people who don't need, when I know I am using those resources to give to those who have very little; whether in my own community or in impoverished countries.

I'm not saying all of this to toot my own horn. If you feel I am being self-absorbed and self-congratulatory, we can sit down and chat, and I will lay out the reasons why I am a bad person. I am instead offering something I am learning and I am experiencing. I am sincerely enjoying the holidays, which I haven't this much in a long time.

I'm coming out of a time of feeling isolated in myself, not relying on God, and actively ignoring the spiritual, educational, and relational things I knew I should be doing. I was frustrated with myself. It's the ultimate insult to your creator when he blesses you with abilities, calls you to utilize them, and although you know you should... you just don't want to, and run away instead. It's the kind of situation that makes you fish food.

But things are better now, and I need to make up for my recent laziness. I want to be an example. I don't want to compromise, but I still want to be loving. My wish this holiday is to be a blessing and to allow others to bless me. There are times I am so welled up with love for people I wouldn't really expect to feel that way about. As per a previous post, I think I need to make an effort to let my love out, rather than stifling it, and allowing it to mellow.

Holidays aren't an allowance to act a certain way once a year... they're a reminder to act a certain way all year. Your friends and family love you and you love them. The important thing in life is that Jesus came and died for us, what else can bring us down? Peace is here, why fret the rest of the year? Salvation has come in certainty, live in that instead of the ambiguity of life! Remember all you have. Don't compare what you have to what everyone else has, live in the generosity Jesus endorses.

The Lord has come and is, celebrate!

Scratch Each Others Egos

Have you ever been afraid to pay someone a compliment because you don't quite know where you stand with them? Perhaps they are one of those people that you just idolize and elevate to a pedestal, and so you assume that if they're up there, they must be looking down on you. The game commences where you try to become close friends without seeming too needy.

Or maybe it's someone of the opposite sex that you're into. You see the world in him/her and know they don't or can't find the same in you. It becomes an endless back and forth of getting your hopes up and then letting your self-esteem pull you down.

Why do we make celebrity figures out of certain people in our lives? Why do we make friendship and acceptance such a labyrinth instead of a straight shot? Why do I assume that other humans are beyond self-consciousness or have it all together?

Why am I so scared of any form of rejection that I often avoid giving compliments?

Around some I feel equal and capable of handing out and receiving compliments and encouragement. Around others I feel I need to prove myself and constantly doubt my ability to attain such acceptance, or harder yet be desirable by them.

I don't know if you're like me, but I tend to catalog all of my skills, attributes, etc. and list them out so I can see the things that give me worth. But they never seem like enough on their own. Value is in the eye of the beholder. If you aren't telling me I'm valuable in one way or another, I'll never believe I have anything to offer.

Freely flowing words of encouragement are the great equalizer. They remind us of the worth of others and in doing so, come back around to remind us of our own worth.

Stop hiding your light under a basket. Let it be seen!

Questionaire

Hey kiddos,

I just put up a post on pragmatically charged, and would love any input I can get. The link to the post can be found here.

Ode To A Non-Friend

There is an unwelcome intruder on my ceiling
He is constantly wandering as he pleases
The sight of him gives me an uneasy feeling
Knowing full well he's bearing diseases

He has a strange fascination with my light
I think it's the reason that he's staying
I'd turn it off if it darkness wasn't my fright
Cause momma would stick me in a box for disobeying

Do I dare close my eyes and find some peace?
His motives for being here are still in question
And what if his exploration doesn't cease
His ultimate fate could come through my digestion

Crawling down my mouth and into my belly
Will he break apart like a time-release drug?
As my stomach acid liquefies him into a jelly
I'd dread my burps cause he is a stink bug

Why are you here, oh bug of the air?
When you know I could crunch you with hardly a thought
I pierce your soul with a penetrating glare
I'm jealous of you and the talent you've got

You're slow enough, you'd be easy to catch
I could killed you now with a sharp little dart
Even then you would still win the match
Because striking you dead would release your inner fart

You remain peaceful toward me while I make threats
Perhaps you have come to be my protector
Guarding me from my rival enemy, The Jets
Just promise me you won't be a defector

Certainly you are a sacred gift from the Lord
Saving me magically from any known issue
Ehh, screw it I'm bored
I'm just gonna squish you


Sorry that wasn't better. My standards are dwindling.

Hold On...

Today is Monday, meaning yesterday was Sunday, which was the last day of this year's Campus Life winter retreat, Fallout.

It's always a fun trip. Usually I am solely or at least largely, "Video Guy." But it's fun interacting with the kids, hanging out with Brooks, playing boxball, and seeing the kids enjoy my video. The last few years I've gone as more than just a video guy, also being a staff person with a student there. My cousin had been my only Campus Life student attending any of the trips, and because of that she would end up falling into the responsibility of another group, as I was largely preoccupied with videoing.

This year I had two new students and one of my volunteers, Jared, helping. I had a bit of help on the video end this year, which allowed me to participate more in the activities of Fallout, although I still did miss out on a few things. Part of me was glad I had to allow Jared to be more of a representative to the students there. I know he also formed much stronger bonds with the kids from spending more time with them, especially Jonathan, our only male student there. I'm a control freak, and someone who thinks I need to be a part of things for them to get done, but it's just not true, and I'm glad God helped show me the fruit of allowing others to step up in situations. Even now I feel less stressed about the future knowing I can let go of controlling a little easier, and hold on to those around me for help.

The theme this year was Hold On, and it turned out to be a great theme. The speaker was Don Talley, who is handicapped, in that he is one of only a few people in the world with a muscle condition that leaves him very weak (kind of like MS I think). He spoke of the hardship in his life from this disease showing itself in his physical limitations, emotion turmoil, and spiritual restlings. Through it all, he spoke about us holding onto God and God noticing us and making himself available to us. Frank, who organized the trip this year, also wrote out a lesson for the leaders (me included) to teach our designated group of students. This discussion focused on holding on to each other and being held on to. That is what a community based on love should be. It addressed masks we wear to cover who we really are, and not trusting others with who you really are, out of fear. We discussed how we help those wearing masks, and we can make a decision to take off our own masks, but one of the best parts of that, I think, was the time where students paired up with other students they didn't know so well, and they had an open discussion where they weren't hiding. They loved it, and I loved that they loved it. I truly hope they embrace a life without masks in their daily life. That they will learn to be open and real with those they come in contact with. That they will notice people as God notices us, and love them as God first loved us.

I was slightly nervous about speaking to a group of students that aren't my regulars. I'm not nervous about what they think, but maybe about measuring up against some of the other awesome leaders we have who are more experienced. But I do think our conversation went really well, and I hope that I helped bring forth God's Truth in an appropriate way.

So, now some of the less serious stuff of the weekend...
Brooks and I had a new driving buddy on the way up and back from Fallout... Katie, who always seems to hang out in the back booth with us, tagged along, which meant I had competition for the front seat. She also spilled her Mt. Dew in floor of the back seat, which she never told Brooks about.

I had video help from a guy named Justin. It was nice to have a bit more freedom, but I still got a lot of my own footage. When you've done this for as long as I have, it seems easier to just do it myself the way I want it, rather than getting stuff that isn't quite what I want.

There was a game we played where all the guys hold on tight to each other, and the girls have to try to pull the guys apart. My forearms felt like they were going to pop after that one. Then later I found tons of bruises all over my body from the girls ripping my limbs from the other guys. I also played boxball again this year and might have broken my finger (broke my nose last year). But I don't think it's really broken, just kind of messed up/swollen. It's my middle finger, so I flick off a lot of people wearing my splint.

I thought I would get done editing the Fallout video at a reasonable hour this year, since I already had the intro done and such, but that wasn't the case. I guess in my aged state I don't stay up late as well as I used to. Around 1AM I started dozing, and everything I went to watch a clip, I'd fall asleep for a few seconds and miss it. Thus editing took a really long time, and I didn't get to go to bed at all. No shower, no new clothes, no sleep until on the way home, I slept about 30 min. or so. I would have slept more if Brooks didn't play Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen... Katie and I broke out into a duet sing-along at the top of our lungs, and I was once again very awake.

So yeah, I was a walking zombie most of the day yesterday. I thought my video was kind of lamer than usual, but once it was ont he big screen I actually thought it was pretty good. I made fun of Dave (one of our staff) again this year. Last Fallout, he didn't participate in Boxball and the staff lost, so throughout the video I kept putting in text about Dave giving 100%, and then made fun of him for not giving 100% by not playing boxball. This year he played, so I did investigation breaks documenting him during boxball, mostly making fun of if he yawned or whatnot. I hope he's not mad at me. He really does a good job, I just do it for laughs from the kids.

So yeah, good trip overall... just one of my students when I asked her if she had a good time said "No. Did you expect anything else from me?" She was kind of sick, and also kind of a hypocondriac. It was stressful, but I do hope she got something out of it. She had tons of opportunities to have fun, and I think she had more than she admits, but most of the time she just chose not to join in. Bummer.

Campus Life is like family though. The testimonies at the end of the week attest to that. Students feel like they don't have to pretend they're something they're not. They can be themselves and be loved. I got caught up on a lot of hugs and loving words that I talked about needing in my previous post... plus we had a dance party the last night, courtesy of Brooks.

Trips like this show what Campus Life is really all about.

I'm really looking forward to Heatwave, and hope to be brining more students and staff.

Here's the weekend's video

When Life Gets Heavy

Life has been a bit confusing lately, and certainly not relaxing. Since graduating college and ignoring my degree I have had a rough time financially. I justified this as a venture towards a simple life as a means to have a more fulfilling existence and have a positive effect on the world. I recited this mantra in my head repeatedly, especially when I was faint of heart and light of wallet. I can remember times where I would sit on my bed in a buzzed (not buzzed with alcohol or narcotics) state of mind, just trying to strategize some sort of way to manifest the money I needed to pay my bills. What could I sell? What little job could I pick up? Does anybody owe me any money? It always seemed to end in me rolling the coins from my piggy bank.

The hidden question in my mind was, do I use this sense of righteous duty to the greater way as a cop out for being unsuccessful? Everyone did and does get on my case about finding a job. "Do you have a job yet?" Of course I do, it's a part time job, I've had it for a few years. "But you need to keep looking for something."

I'm not wealthy now. I'm probably not even close to middle class at this point. But I feel wealthier, especially compared to where I was just a few months ago. What I make with my regular salary is about enough to cover all my bills. I've also been getting quite a bit of computer tech/video work. I can afford to eat out every now and then now, I am affording some new equipment, and I am able to give more to people in need. I feel like I should say "good for me!" It's looking more and more like my video business could become something lucrative as word spreads. Success is within my grasp!

Money doesn't bring meaning or success to life. I'm seriously not opposed to people making money, and I'm glad I can put a little more into the church offering on a regular basis, but the busyness, stress, and distraction it has brought me makes me feel like a failure. I miss some of the spontaneity I strived for before, the time of reflection and thinking I allowed for myself, and the amount of time I spent seeking God. Sometimes I felt lazy as being someone who didn't have a job job, but instead would hang out with homeless people, think about stuff, read, debate with Mormons, and write blogs. Now I feel lazy for not doing those things like I should.

Should I be able to live both sides adequately? Maybe. I want to say yes, but I also feel like something is always sacrificed. If I really do have to choose, I think I prefer the one that brings me more peace. But maybe I am just lazy. Perhaps I can do all these things still, but in recent experience of trying, I have felt exhausted trying to do everything I should and want to do.

As I've considered all of these things I've realized how alone I am (or at least feel). It seems like I need to do everything for myself and help out other people with their stuff. I have almost no one looking out for me, or lessening my burden. I feel I should clarify... there are people like my volunteers with Campus Life, my family who has helped me out financially and other ways many times, and other friends who are there for me. But still overall I feel like the guy who needs to carry the world.

Even if I need to carry most of the things in my life, some good moral support would do wonders. I'm starved for affection. I find myself longing for a strong enduring hug that someone only gives you when they really care. I actually find myself going home to my mom's more often just so I can get a hug and kiss from my mom (whom most of you know I'm not all that close with). I've built the castle I'm living in. I'm typically not real touchy or affectionate, out of fear that it would be awkward or misconstrued or just because I never have been that way with so-and-so. But there's something special about being around people who love to embrace, encourage, and just plain love each other. It's freeing and life-giving.

My cousin Sam is a perfect example. When you talk to him he looks you in the eye. He cares. He talks loud and with passion. He loves to hug and kiss... and pinch cheeks. He's so uninhibited with displaying his affection. I love seeing him and I can't help but smile when he's around. When I experience his zest, I see hints of what I want my life to display.

I guess I should start being this a little more to those around me. Maybe we all should. I would imagine most of us could use a deep loving hug more than we admit. So next time you see me, don't be surprised to get a big hug... or if I don't why don't you surprise me with a big hug... and if you're daring, a sloppy kiss.

CRISIS: Identity

Who am I?

It's a good question.

I guess in a round about way I've been thinking about who I am lately.  I think of my desires, and ask if I'm really doing anything to achieve them.  I think of of some of my proclamations of things I believe in and occasionally wonder if I have anything solid backing it or do I just want to believe I'm right.  I have a mental picture of the type of personality I am, but am I looking in a circus mirror when I assess myself?

There is a Steve lurking inside that is pretty self-assured.  He believes that he has the makings of a pretty decent ladies' man.  He thinks deep down that he really does have an acceptionally functional brain, probably even much smarter than most people he meets.  Steve also sees little he couldn't tackle if he desired... musician, comedian, writer, physicist, politician, pastor, therapist, personal trainer... just a few of the many possibilities for such an up-and-comer.  He's also a guy who is aware of how super self-aware he is!  He will analyze and fix whatever issues are going on in his life before you even know they exist.  This guy knows that between his intellect, creativity, skills, great personality, and rigorous work-out routine, he is quite the catch as an acquaintance, friend, or if you're that lucky, boyfriend.

This is a potentially arrogant, but confident Steve.  This is the Steve that sees himself in a vacuum, possibly comparing himself to others, as he sees them in their own vacuum.  This Steve views himself from a vantage point outside of the context of his day to day actions/life.  There is a Steve that sees himself in context of his life... but he's a completely different Steve.

Comparisons look very different under the light of the reality, rather than the glow of fantasy.  A short, average, ignorant, white guy who sometimes just tries too hard to be what he thinks he already is.  Someone who has a job working with high school kids because everyone his own age is progressing in life as he treads water.  The Steve who spends so much time applauding his own thoughts that he doesn't continue to learn and develop his mind.  This is the kind of guy who craves an affirming word and many times goes out of his way to do nice things for recognition.  Most of the time when he looks around he notices just how alone and lonely he is, and that tells him about the kind of person he is.  There is a sense of paranoia that surrounds him, in that he feels he can't know himself fully because culturally correct people say nice things rather than true things, and thus give him no true mirror through which to see his actual reflection.

It's a full out battle between the two Steve's, trying to reconcile one complete person.  Certainly neither of them are fully correct.  It's natural to want to encourage someone that they are all the good qualities (like Steve 1 believes), but I've caught enough stray reflections in the world to deduct that I am not as great as Steve 1 thinks.  I've also had enough sincere compliments to know I am not a total loser.

The question remains, "Who am I?"  There are most definitely many spiritual answers to this, but I'm speaking about actual self-awareness.  How do I find out?  Everyone's opinion will be different based on their experience with me.  But combined I should get a pretty good idea.

I don't know where exactly I'm going with this, but I think most of us have a two-sided ego.  One that thinks we're great, and one that thinks we're crap.  Neither are probably right completely.  

Vids

I am returned.  I feel like when you use the word "am" in the stead of "have" it makes one sound much more confident, royal, and  British.  I desire to be all of these, but unfortunately am none.  Then again, maybe using "am" there is plain incorrect grammar.

Grammar is a funny word.  I think it should end in an "er" rather than "ar."  I also believe it should be a term for a grandmother, who knows how to rock out.  The kind of grandmother that will have her teenage grandkids say "Grammer, you really messed up that dude in the mosh pit."  Then grammer bakes cookies to cheer up the kid that she tore up at the show.  That's grammer!  GrammAr is just some gunk you get on the bottom of your shoe.  "Ah man, I just stepped in grammar.  It'll take me forever to get this off."  Grammar is that gunk you can't wash off... well you could, but you don't want to touch it at all.  You will only clean it via indirect spray from a faucet.  So instead you complain about the grammar on your shoe, while doing nothing about it, hoping that friction-esque erosion will handle the problem in due time.

Life has felt pretty busy lately, which is usually what I say when I come back from not blogging for a bit.  I've been getting a few more video jobs and doing a lot with Youth for Christ, plus I am adding to my list of friends I am trying to help in charity (whether financial or relational or both), so I guess I feel like I'm in demand. 

Last night was our Youth For Christ - Campus Life banquet.  I am always a pretty behind the scenes guy there.  But I spent many hours editing some videos together, that I got footage for on Tuesday.  I'm posting the five short videos I made for last night.

I feel a lot of times like my video work is more of a hobby than anything... like it's just some cute little thing I do.  Maybe it's because my work doesn't end up on TV or because so much of what I do involves youth or churches, and not as often professional, corporate pieces.  But I guess I do a good, professional job at what I do.  And thankfully I am getting more calls about doing video work lately.  I was hoping video stuff would pick up so I can afford to live.  I think it'll just keep getting better as time goes on and people get to see my work.

This all is just in wait for the big collaboration of minds in creating a commercial-creating force of elite minds and wits.  We all know it's coming.  Ben, Steve, Jason, Anthony, Jess, and whatever other stragglers find their way in.  We will make your business boom with multi-product inclusion in the same ad, such as "Converse... Got Milk?"  And breakthrough two-in-one inventions like Dr. Lube (the first ever engine de-greaser, soft drink), SPF Whip (our sunscreen mayonnaise), and TP Tie (Toilet paper tie, convenience meets fashion).  Plus concepts that are fun and can be formatted to endorse any product like "The Video Edit-tor," and the missile launching attack helicopter that guards against speeding ("Speed enforced by aircraft").  And don't forget about our new Prime Time Show "Si-Esse (CSI) Mexico."

We're totally going to blow Nutrigrain out of the water!

Ok, I'm going for now.  I am going to relax after my stressful last few days.

Holy Macramony

Isn't she just glowing?

So I finally did it. Some people say men have a hard time with commitment. I usually take people like that and give them a big bear hug, until I realize I don't think I know them well enough to be giving them a hug. But gosh-darnit (thanks Palin) I did commit myself... and no, not to a psych ward, but to a beautiful blushing (seriously, look) bride. Adorned with her 8 carat solid state diamond engagement ring, come Wednesday (or whenever she gets shipped to me) I will look her all over, gaze into her glossy screen, tickle her elegant multi-touch trackpad, and dual-boot her with OSX and XP!

Did I take that too far? I didn't think so.

There are a few things left to be desired in a Mac, or even additions I didn't like. Let's get the negative out of the way...

1. Glossy screen. What the heck, super glare except in total dark.
2. No Blu-ray. Other laptops offer it, why not a Macbook PRO?
3. Taking away all my ports. I understand less ports mean you can make a smaller, light laptop, but I like firewire 400, I like an s-video out, I like a third USB port... but I guess I can deal.
4. No major processor upgrade/quad-core processing. I know it's probably a battery drain, but it would seem neat. There were some bumps in processor though.

Ok, now what I'm excited about...

1. The new design looks pretty nice, although I'm not too picky either way.
2. New process of making the laptop case from a single piece of aluminum is supposed to make it very solid and lighter.
3. Glass trackpad. I hear it has a great feel, and I'm sure Apple will keep inplementing more multi-touch gesture for it as time goes on.
4. iSight. This isn't a new feature at all, but it is to me. I really do want to try the video chat, or maybe doing some video blogs. SWEET!
5. Sweet hard drive. Now they have 7200rpm 320GB laptop hard drive for this piece. My old laptop had a 5200rpm 100GB. This is soo much better!
6. Two GPU (Graphics Processing Units). Right now these are mildly cool, but come the new Mac OS, Snow Leopard, I know that the GPU not being used will be able to help aid your processor with OpenCL, in running programs etc. And that will speed stuff up like crazy, ye-ah.
7. Macs are also much more environmentally friendly now, which I put down here because I should care... I don't care so much in actuality right now, but deep down I do.
8. Actually using Apple software to use in creating sweet videos (even though this isn't just about the new Macbook Pro, but Mac in general).
   

For some more info and pics you can go here.

I've been wating over a year for this laptop, and now it's so close. I do think having a laptop will help me in my learning and writing. It's much easier to type than write and most of you know I have terrible penmanship... although Mike says paper is more reliable than a computer as far as saving your writing.

Things I want to do with my mac...

1. Learn Final Cut Pro
2. Learn Motion and Live Type
3. Play with Logic, so I can start composing music again
4. Recreate my website
5. Make it sing The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song in text to speech
   
6. Take over the world

Ok, I know my blog demographic is not hip to or interested in this Apple tech stuff, so I'll go to bed now.

Kick-off of Wedding Season 08/09

I don't know when "wedding season" actually starts, but this was the beginning of mine. Does using gaming terminology for the wedding scene allow me to ready, aim, and fire at couples rhythmically jaunting down the aisle; with a bee bee gun of course, we're not shooting to kill, just to stir things up. You know, trouble in paradise; playing The Most Dangerous Game in paradise.

Anyway, I went with my mother to a wedding in York, PA. I was her guest, she was not mine... I am not asking my mother to accompany to a wedding, no matter how bad I may be at scoring a date. My mom's friend's son, who is right about my age, got married to some girl. Riveting, huh? I had only met the guy once before, and never met the chick before. She was a cute girl, but from the little nuances I picked up, not someone I would go after.

So I don't know if this really counts counts as the first wedding of my season, since it wasn't a friend, but I'm sure you won't fault me for including it. I act as though I will be attending 10 weddings over the course of this year... well probably not that many... but dare I order the weddings of my friends as I expect them to occur? I dare.

Jesse's wedding is set, so he's first. Then, since Kelly just got engaged, and since everyone knows it's the perfect match, I put her as number 2. Kristin keeps talking about getting married, so, even though she can be deceiving, I'll put her at number 3. Seth, although very good at not coming into Pittsburgh to hang out, I suppose must be getting close to engagement with his girlfriend of several years; he is number 4. And even though she's family, she's still a friend, I put Lacey at 5, since she seems really set on getting married and having babies soon... but we'll still give her a few years. As far as timing... I could see potentially up to the first three happening by the end of 2009, but once again, that's potentially.

The rest is too far outside my radar to know... but I wouldn't put it past Anth-a-ma-nanth to pull something out of his hat, and everyone wondering where that came from. If you're wondering where I rate... I will be the next to last one to get married. I peg myself for tying the knot at 38 or maybe 42, just in front of Jason Kozak, at 44.

Seriously though, the wedding ceremony scares me. The marriage part I think I could handle ok, but I don't want to have this special moment in front of everyone I know. I'd much rather have it in front of a lady in a moo-moo with a mustache and a college drop-out, Elvis impersonator. It's just more... meaningful that way. I know, I'm missing the point of the wedding, I just don't like being in front of people like that, unless it's on my terms, not theirs or society's. But after we run away to get married, we will have a cookout, so I can inexpensively gather all my friends and family to play volleyball, eat veggie-burgers, and give me and my super-model wife expensive presents and well-wishes.

But just to throw this out there, I think a marriage will take place on Tuesday. Yes, the joining in holy MACramony, of me and my new Macbook Pro. I can't wait to get a new laptop. I feel greedy and sinful desiring a possession so much, but oh well. To consummate the marriage will we have to have cyber-s... nevermind.

If you are enough in my friend circle(s) to add potentials to the list, please do. Or if you want to speculate a different order, please do that as well. And if you're a mac fan and want to speculate or discuss the new features, you are welcome to also. Just leave some comments, I never get any!

I Think I'm SAD

I have been a log of crap lately.

I feel unmotivated in the day to day things of life. I haven't been doing much in the way of cooking, cleaning, eating as healthy as usual, going outside, working out, etc. I do stuff because I'm a busy guy, but whatever is optional, or no one is relying on me for, I completely neglect. I just want to sleep and eat salty foods and occasionally use the bathroom (but only if necessary). This has onset over the last couple weeks. Why?

Maybe I'm SAD. Yes, seasonal affective disorder. I don't know if this is totally true, and I'm not really depressed or anything... like I said, just a... turd. It's common for me to not work out as much (or at all) in the winter; just a trend I've noticed. I haven't been cooking for myself too long, so no real trends to pick up on there. I've been sleepy, but I don't think I sleep as well at my new place for some reason, plus it's chilly in the morning, so I don't like leaving the covers.

What it really comes down to though is the dreariness. I miss the warmth of the sun and frolicking and frog licking outside. They say that in hardship is where ingenuity thrives... actually I just said that. But I think I've come up with a simple idea. Portable, wearable heat lamps. Light, warmth, and lamps make everyone happier. Look, I have visuals for you if you think it'll help...

This is a SAD ham. The dreariness of changing seasons has him in a funk. His body is tired and he hasn't seen a direct ray of sunlight in days.




This is a happy ham. The warm, life-giving rays of his heat lamp have invigorated every cell in his body and he is desiring to live each day to the fullest.

My logic and visuals prove my point exactly, and I dare you or anyone else to try to say otherwise. With this inventive accomplishment thought out, now we just need to get the mechanics worked out. There are certainly some questions and possible pitfalls...

#1. Fire
It's good to feel warm, but fire is a little overkill. Now don't get me wrong, when given the choice between mild depression and life-threatening burns, I'll choose the burns every time; however, I think if we work hard we can find solutions that will allow us warmth and a (fake) sunny day all the time, without the risk of 3rd degree burns and the subsequent infections from said burns. Maybe we'll attach water fountains to our heads that will keep a constant blanket of water flowing over our bodies to save us from this flaming danger.


#2. Skipping School
We all know that School In Summertime = No Class, but School In Wintertime should equal Class. If both Summertime and Wintertime = No Class, we'd be a lot stupider. The picture above shows exactly what would happen if heat lamps were plentiful enough that everyone had an industrial strength heat lamp in cold climates. They would be laying out in the snow working on their tan... ALL THE TIME!!!

Now, I know adults are more responsible, but I can't help think that several adults would also lose their jobs due to a lamp obsession, resulting in what I like to call Arrested Lampedevelopment.

And besides... look here buddy, you need a lamp on both sides, you're going to get some wicked frostbite.


#3. Doorways Not Tall Enough
If these gadgets are going to be portable, we're have to figure out how to let people of average height and taller walk through doorways without needing to duck. We could find a way to make a collapsible lamp, but that would mean it can't be on while in a collapsed state, unacceptable! We could put holes above every doorway to allow the lamp to pass through, but that's ridiculous. We could just raise all the doorways in the world, but that would be expensive. There's only one solution I can see...
Robots.
These robots will allow us mobility, without having height interference with our heat lamps. Now don't get me wrong, this is not necessarily the robot we will use, it's just an example. Ours will be much more awesome. We'll also paint it sky blue and have flowers on it to remind us of summer. Plus it'll shoot fireworks.


#4. Lamp Burn
Now, I realize this one looks a lot like what I mentioned in #1 (Fire), but it's really quite different. #1 was an issue of personal effects catching of fire, and thus setting your skin ablaze. What I'm talking about here is much more subtle, yet equally inconvenient.

When being exposed to heat lamp radiation throughout most or all of your day/life, you don't want to overdo it. There are simple fixes to this problem, such as sun screen or lowing the power to the bulb, but I hate sunscreen and I love sunshine, whether real or fake. But let's face it, sunburn does ruin a summer, so it is not acceptible in this world I'm creating.

The avenue of greatest potential with the lowest annoyance factor is genetic mutation. By watching every spider man episode ever, I think I've figured out how to make a lizardman, rhinoman, birdman, and an elephant man (but ironically, not a spiderman). None of these do me any good because none are impervious to excessively high amount of radiation. I hope that what I've learned will ultimately lead me to the invention of a cockroseman. It's basically a mixture of cockroach (for it's invulnerability to radiation), man (for his intellect and Nascar), and a rose (so that we will no longer need to eat, but gain all of our food from the rays of our heat lamp).


Well, I think I'm going to leave it at that. I'm afraid if I say any more you will get too excited start living the "lamp life" before all the kinks have been worked out. But I assure you, I'm on it.

SAD will no longer have a slight affect on my mood anymore!

LONG LIVE INNOVATION!

SNL

I really like it when SNL is funny. I remember a few years where I could watch an episode and not even laugh the entire show. It certainly still has its hit and miss sketches, but I think it might be on the upswing right now.

I found this sketch to be quite entertaining, mostly due to the hands.




The VP debate sketch at the beginning was really quite funny too. I'll probably post that on Pragmatically Charged.

How Do I Summit All Up?

This past weekend+ (Sat - Tues) I was at a Campus Life Summit, and then a Youth For Christ Conference, which were back to back at the same place.

It was a neat time, where I definitely got a chance to connect with leaders from other parts of the area, like Erie, Long Island, Scranton, etc. I feel like I made more friends this year than I did last year, although I recognized some of the leaders from last year.

It amazes me how the summit was full of ministers, yet there was not much time left for personal devotion or Bible study. It seems like those things are both put on hold or rushed by a most staff, sacrificed in order to spend more time building relationships and having fun with new friends and people you hardly see. I guess it's somewhat understandable, but it seems very common of trips in general, whether student, leader, or student leader. It's kind of like devotions get pushed to the side so that we can hear about God from other people, or just have a good time. I was really trying to give a good amount of time to God in my devotions this weekend. I'm really striving to make it a priority to study and pray for a couple hours everyday.

Another thing I noticed, was that there are some very cool, godly, intelligent, good looking girls in this ministry. This give me hope that maybe I can someday find a girl for me who is all of the above. The thing about that is, all the ones at this conference were married. This makes me wonder if there will be any awesome chicks left for me when it's all said and done. I try not to dwell on this too much though.

The summit and conference were in the Poconos by Scranton, PA. Most of the Scranton people are all about The Office, but one guy really didn't like it at all (so he says). It's amazing how the leaves are all changing up there already, while Pittsburgh remains very green. I guess when you're "The Poconos" you can afford to be awesome before everyone else.

During some of our free time, the Metro-Pitt crew (to which I belong) decided to take a hike. About 5 minutes into it I remembered that I hurt my ankle not so long ago, and this whole hike was probably a bad idea, but I continued. We climbed up rocks, searched for crayfish in the streams, watched the water fall at the waterfall. At one point I discovered a branch full of bugs that were like nothing I had ever seen. They kind of looked like tiny spiders, although they had six legs, with a big furry butt. Seriously they had a bunch of long white silky hair, that looked kind of like Don King, coming out of their butt. And what they did with these abnormally hairy butts is wave them around, back and forth, so it looked like they were dancing at a rave party or something. It was just really strange. And there were probably thousands of them on one branch, but nowhere else. Hardly moving anywhere, just dancing. If it was a mating dance, it worked... for me.

We kept hiking until we reached a clearing, filled with crushed rocks and dead trees. It looked like a scene out of Lord of the Rings. Dave found a plant that tasted like root beer, so we all chewed on the stems for a while, and then got drunk on the beer aspect of the root. We spent a while just standing around talking. We shared different games we had made up, and played a few of them. After a while we continued on a little further, to an overlook. There was a big rock hanging over the ledge, to a drop off, with another part of the path below. We hung out on the rock, throwing little rocks at trees like we were the high school kids we minister too. That was largely the theme at of our hike at this point... being immature.

At one point Dave decided he wanted to throw a big rock over the ledge. He found one that probably weighed a good 300lbs, and wanted us to help him throw it over. Luckily Chris, our executive director, was at least a little bit of an adult and assured us it was not a good idea. Dave found a smaller rock, about the size of human head, and was carrying toward the overlook in one hand above his head. As he's walking he slips and goes down faster than I thought gravity pulled. We're all laughing, including Dave, and as his hand begins to emerge from the fall, we see it covered in blood. Yet we still laugh, but now feel guilty for our laughter.

Luckily we had just discovered a bucket hanging from a tree, which was a trauma kit. So we went to the kit, and bandaged up his finger, which was sliced pretty good. Basically when Dave fell the rock came out of his hand, and then landed on his hands. One was pretty bruised and the other cut open. He ended up having to go to the hospital, after we walked the 2-3 miles back to camp, and got stitches. It was an adventure, and Dave learned a valuable lesson. Don't get hurt anymore.

I also heard a really funny story while I was there. This is a true story from about a week or two ago. A middle-aged guy is taking his mother to the mall. And while driving runs over a cat by accident. He keeps driving and his mom, is yelling at him to go back and get it. He says "Why should I go get it?" His mom wants him to bury it. So eventually she convinces him to turn around, and he puts the cat in a Macy's bag that he found in his car, and takes it with them.
They still go to the mall, but take the bag with the dead cat out, and stick it under the car while they shop, so it doesn't stink up the inside of his car. After shopping they're getting some food, and can see the car from the window where they are eating. A lady walks up to the car. Sees the bag underneath it, and keeps looking around. Then all the sudden she grabs the bag and bolts away from the car. The guy chuckles at the thought of her stealing a dead cat, thinking it was a coat or something from Macy's. Then a few minutes later, an ambulance arrives. The man goes to see what's going on. The lady who had stolen the bag had passed out, and lay unconscious on the ground. She must have looked in the bag and fainted when she saw a dead cat. The EMT's put her on a gurney and bring her into the ambulance. One of them grabs the Macy's bag, puts is on her chest as she lay unconscious, and they close the doors to the Ambulance and drive away.

Doesn't that sound like something from a movie or TV show. Pretty funny... and REAL!

Alright, I'm done, I haven't left the house yet, so I'm off to enslave the world.

Mammon

I feel so incredibly stressed sometimes, like right now. I'm sure there are a few things contributing to my stress level, but the biggest right now is money.

Part of me hates money. I hate how important it is in society. I hate how without enough of it my existence seems doomed. And I hate how it is unfairly awarded to people. Some who do practically no work, or do a horrible job at the work they do get tons of money. Some who work the hard jobs nobody wants to do get paid minimum wage. Then there are all the all-encompassing grandient in between.

Sure there are times I really like money and feel blessed by money. Perhaps it's because I tend to be on the lower end of the pay scale. I find myself getting very angry inside at people who spend without thought. Someone I used to be, and would very likely become again, given a generous influx of income. I have to watch every penny, and anytime I indulge to the least I certainly pay for it by cashing in coins at the end of the month. I wish it could be like the end of Acts 2, where we just gave to whoever needed as we could.

I sound needy, greedy, and lazy in writing this, I'm sure. I don't mean to be. It's not that I desire to take from others as I need, because I much prefer to give, but I just like to know that if it ends up being a hard month that someone is right there wanting to help. In the Kingdom of God we should have no need to worry. And I am blessed to have family that looks out for me, and I try to look out for others as much as I am able... there's just something a little off in the heart of it all.

I think we need to come together and feel each other's burdens so we can relate to it, and together lift those burdens. It's been rewarding for me to spend time with some much less fortunate that myself, and learning what life can look like to someone who would consider me wealthy. It makes me want to devote less of my income to myself, when I see someone who is living a life of even less. What do I really need? How can I justify spending that much on that thing? Is this shirt really too old, or is it still functional? Do I need to eat as much as I do? Is a form of entertainment that costs money really that much more fun than playing games with friends for free?

I don't really know the point of this blog. I consider it very unfocused and probably not effective at conveying a point I have not even come to realize myself. Ultimately, I'm stressed today. I have no reason to be though, because God has never let me down. There is absolutely no reason to believe God is not in control of the situation.

Sorry

Ok guys, I know this isn't the most Christian thing to post, and maybe I'll retract it later... but a friend of mine with the initials J.D. came up with the idea... and some may find it funny, some may find it offensive, others may just scratch their heads.

It made me chuckle, but no doubt I'm an unrighteous sinner.


Whoever Photoshopped that is masterful :)

What Is New?

Do you ever have someone ask you, "What's new?" and you realize that you haven't been paying enough attention to your life to even know what is new. You've completely gone on autopilot, and can tell someone more about what the new happenings are in your favorite TV show than you can about your own authentic, real, live, late breaking existence. That's how I feel most of the time.

When I look back at my recent life, even the last several weeks, I know I'm doing stuff. Some of the things are even kind of new, untypical, and meaningful... but I still have trouble remembering them for some reason. Perhaps we can become so focused as to what is next, that we forget to remember what has been, and how our past has shaped and is shaping what we do today.

I haven't blogged on here for almost a month, which seems ridiculous. My good friend Kelly reminded me I need to update my blog so she can keep some tabs on my life, so here I am. Oh and by the way, exciting news! Kelly as of yesterday is engaged!!! I know she'll probably check up on this blog within the next few days/weeks but I'll talk like she isn't. I'm honestly incredibly happy for Kelly. I feel this way more so for her than I would most people. She's a lovely, genuine person, and I feel like she deserves this, especially because I know the guy she is marrying is as awesome (to replace lovely) and genuine as she is. So yes, I am very pumped that IT actually happened. Way to go!

On with life. So, yeah, today I got engaged. No, none of you (all three of you) believed that one.

Some semi-quick updates:

I'm finally feeling like my place is becoming home. It's nice to not visit my mom's so much, or at least for very short periods of time when I do visit. It's also nice being within a mile of 80% of my travel locations; church 1, church 2, church 3, mom's, aunt's, gym, porch.

I started going to another church. I don't think it'll be an every week thing, but I do kind of like it. It is a 7th Day Adventist church, which I didn't know a ton about going into it, and still have some question... but I like the people, the focus in outreach, and the humility and openness in continuing to learn about who God is and what that means to us. They hold the sabbath day to be Saturday, which works out well. They also meet in a cafe that they run as a sort of fundraiser. It's spiffy.

My friend Raymond, who I think I wrote about before is becoming more motivated to get a job. I helped him apply at TSA. I honestly doubt his ability to get a job there, but I will encourage movement toward him no longer needing to pan handle to pay rent. Now I'm trying to convince him to get a job at the post office or something. I also believe I am not going to give him any more money, at least until he makes some more solid moves toward employment.

I'm low on funds, but am currently doing video for Montour Football's highlight video, so I'm filming most of the games. I am also going to be doing some bigger video work for my uncle's practice, videoing and editing some promotional web videos to scatter around the internet. Plus I just did some computer work for my cousin Sam, and from that he told a friend who is starting a business, so I'm helping him with some minor tech stuff this week and maybe more in the future.

So I suppose life has been in some ways exciting and new with the new friends and activities and living situation, but it also feels extroadinarily mundane. Maybe I miss some of the incredibly close friendships I haven't been sharing in as much lately. The ones where we talk about serious stuff, and then laugh hysterically at funny scenarios, jokes, and remembering old situations we've been in. Those nights that ultimately end up with me half alseep on someone's couch. The times of fellowship and friendship where I can be myself without feeling the need to put on any show, and somehow being more fun and entertaining than if I had been trying. It's great meeting new people and starting friendships, but there's nothing quite like the "old gang."

I feel like I'm approaching a corner in my life, that when I suddenly turn that corner, I'll realize everything is much different than it ever was. I pray that difference will have soft tones of reminiscence and comfort woven into its foreign pattern, so I can find peace in gazing and exploring what new things life has to offer.

I've missed blogging. Sorry this didn't have a smack of ham to it; aka my weird, funny, sarcastic ramblings stuck in places they don't belong.

I may write another blog directly after this one. It will probably be more serious, but has potential for some SOH's (Smack Of Ham). By the way "Smack of Ham" is the new "Hot Water Pie."

New Place, New Adventure, New Home?

Well, I'm basically moved into my new place, minus a few things left at my mom's.

I really don't like moving. For me it's exceptionally painful because of all the stuff I've gathered over the years; be it books, video equipment, or just junk that I choose to keep. When moving it I pretty much made a huge pile of my possessions on the floor of my room (3rd floor... again :( ) and ever since I have been sorting into new piles and then finding ways to build up or tuck away everything so it fits.

Moving has also had some physical strain to it. Jamie (my roommate) and I were given a refrigerator for free by someone at the church. We picked it up, even though it had a non-functional freezer side. We figured we'd get it fixed. Nice, big, spacious, expensive... ours. So we loaded it on the truck and brought it to the house. The thing weighed a ton, so Jamie and I shimmied it to the door, where we did our geometric calculations of if it would fit through the doorway. Our neighbor, James, was quick to inform us there was no way. So we proceeded to remove the doors... for about an hour. It was ridiculous how much trouble we had removing the bolts with a wrench set. But after some hard work (not really that hard), and me mostly just watching, the doors were off... and so were the gloves!

We acquired another helping hand neighbor, Justin, whom we had never met. So Jamie, James, Justin, and Jsteve embarked on a mission doomed from the start. Four men, verse an enemy of immense proportions... The Refrigorator (spelled wrong purposely for dramatic affect).

Even with the doors off, this fridge was huge and barely fitting up our stairs. Jamie and James took the top half, while Justin and I were at the bottom. The two of us on the bottom had to push this behemoth up the stairs on it's side while James and Jamie drank espresso. Ok, they didn't really, but I do feel like the bottom half had a much harder time. Justin quickly became injured, spilling his blood all over our box of bruises. Champ he was though, he continued on, just missing 3 fingers and an earlobe after the accident.

Now the setup of our house is this. Walk in, take a few steps, greet the stairs, walk up the stairs, come to a brief leveling off, turn 90 degrees right, and walk up a few more stairs. We remarkable got the fridge up the first flight of stairs, and even more remarkably, finagled it into the area separating the two sets of stairs. It really just fit in there. As we were pushing and pulling and kicking and punching and firing our handguns in the air, Jamie almost died. It's true. On a push, when Jamie wasn't paying good enough attention, the fridge almost smashed his head against the wall, concluding in instant death. Now I've since though this scenario through, and have no doubt that our thin walls would have given out on the other side of his head before an eyelash would be bent. But overall, I think we all nearly died or lost a limb in this exercise of appliance moving.

We were almost there. Only 5 steps separated us from a new half-working fridge in the kitchen. Unfortunately we were stuck. It wouldn't fit. Wedged. Ahh! Even if we could push it through somehow, there was a door frame sticking out at the top of the steps that it wouldn't get by. So after ripping up our carpet, scratching off most of the paint on the walls, causing a man to bleed, and nearly killing Jamie, it was time to abandon ship. So we all jumped in the fridge and rode it down the steps like a tabogan. We slid out the door, taking the door with us, and right into the Allegheny River, which conveniently found its way right out side my house at that moment. Ever since we have been sailing the Pennsylvanian sea, in that fridge, looking for booty of the female variety. Yaaaarrrrrr!

So anyway, now we have a new smaller fridge that works. We have a furnished living room, dining room, and we're working on a study. I feel bad that Jamie is all set up mostly, and I'm still sorting my crap. But thus is life.

I feel secluded in this house for some reason. I feel kind of like I'm a million miles away from my friends and family; which is strange because I'm about a mile away, much closer than my last place. The house doens't really feel like home. Perhaps when some friends visit and some memories are formed it will be more homey. But I think this will be a fairly long-term living situation for me, so I'd better get used to it. It really is a very nice place, I just need to finish my room so I can relax a bit.

I'm pretty tired and need to do a little more work before bed, so off I go.

Tired And Lazy

I don't know what's up with me. Since I've been back in the Burgh, I've been pretty tired. At first I was blaming it on catching up from Big Wow and pre-Big Wow chaos. Then I thought it might be due to me feeling like crap from eating several pieces of pizza covered with cheese. Yes, cheese. Made from milk; the secretion that comes from cow boobs. That mixture of fat, protein, calcium, vitamin D, and pure evil. My throat is nearly clear of the mucus, presented as a trojan horse peace offering, in the form of pizza. That was a week ago, and I'm still not 100% back. So those things were definitely contributing factors to my sloth for much of the last week, but at this point I think there is another culprit. I call this evil doer... the apple of my eye... the excitement of my life... The Olympics. These things go late. I think China should move closer to America, or just adopt our time. The wolrd should live on AT - America Time. Surely we have not taken over the world with our self-addictive tendencies enough, let's keep dreaming, let's keep striving... AT - "What time is it AT!" That will probably seem a lot less amusing when it's not after 11 and I'm falling asleep.

So yes, going to sleep late and still waking up early is surely a major reason for me being all tired. I'm also just being lazy cause I don't have much going on, but I've gotten used to a solid 8 hours of sleep starting no later than 12:30. Olympics, respect me!

Only another 8 or 9 days of this though (I think). Eventually I will be back to a schedule again.

Men's gymnastics are starting. I'm out.

Go For The Gold

I have no idea what I'm going to blog about, but I feel I should. I am not even going to title this until the end, because who knows... I could title it Feel The Burn and have it end up being about purple lollipops and unicorns. Now unless I'm burning lollipops and unicorns it makes no sense, right. That's why I will be wise and wait.

I went over Kristin's last night. I was under the impression that it was going to be an "Olympics party," although not really a party, just the two of us. When I got there I became aware that it was a board game party. We played scrabble with her mom and mom's boyfriend, Wade. I won because I'm sooo smart. Then we went inside after numerous mosquito attacks to play Monopoly with her little sisters... Spongebob Monopoly. Spongebob's eyes on the box follow you as you move, creepy. The Olympics were on during the game so that was good. Kristin's sisters don't understand the point of the game, even though they are like 12. They only buy property that they like the name of, or their favorite places on the cartoon. After 6 trips around the board they both had like 2 properties, due to declining most times when asked if they want to purchase the property they were on. We ended the game after playing about 30 minutes.

While watching the Olympics I realized something about the infamous Michael Phelps... his face is a mix between Justin Kozak and Jake Baker. Not sure if you agree? Well lucky for you I'm a Photoshop wizard. Check it out.

::::Jake and Justin::::

::::Michael Phelps and Michael Phelps::::

Alright, so it's not a perfect match, but that's mainly due to lack of better photos and my Photoshop skills not being adequate enough. If you know both of them though, check it out next time Phelps is on TV. P.S. I also made Justin's ear a little bigger in this pic.

Speaking of Phelps, I watched the U.S. relay team tonight in the Olympics. Amazing. Coming from behind in the last half-a-lap and winning by almost nothing. That'll show those cocky Frenchmen. Why don't they just go make out with their girlfriends French style and forget about swimming!

Oh, so how about this... I'm moving into a duplex. I don't know when our move-in date is, but Jamie and I are moving into a place in Crafton. Tierney got me the hook-up through Julz. I'm using a lot of names in this paragraph, which will leave many of you unaware of who all these people are. Julz is a friend of mine through school and Tierney (my cousin), and her parents own the duplex I'm renting. It's a pretty big place for the cost, which is nice. It will be hard at first with money and all. Deposits and other expenses that I have to pay soon... but overall it should be very affordable when everything calms down. It will just be nice to live somewhere again.

It's later than I thought it would be. I need sleep.

Goodnight.

The Big Kung-Pao, Cow-Wow

Alright, it's just called The Big Wow, but I think we may change the name to The Big Kung-Pao, Cow-Wow.  At that camp we will serve Chinese food exclusively... especially a beef Kung-Pao(why am I continuing to capitalize kung pao?).  We'll also start an establishment called The Big-Meow, Bow-Wow, which will be a Chinese restaurant that can feed all the people feeling left out from our Big Kung-Pao, Cow-Wow, by feeding them Chinese style cats and dogs... you know the Chinese are into that stuff.  Seriously... they are.

So yes, camp.  Camp was really great this year.  Jamie, the children's pastor did an awesome job for it being his first year in charge, or even regardless of it being his first year.  There were a ton of variables, so we were bound to have a few unexpected obstacles, but I don't think it was anything that the kids really noticed, and I know all of them had a blast.

My favorite part was probably the return of games.  Being at Faith Ranch, we didn't have games, because there were other activities like horseback riding, archery, and crafts.  It was neat seeing all the old games coming back to life on the field and in the gym and pool.  The Tower of Doom, Rubber Chicken sling-shot, Ketchup Relay, Big Shirt Pool Relay, Egg Catch, Poop Deck, etc. were much fun to watch and video.  My only regret is that I could not be a little more actively involved... although I did man the Tower of Doom a few times, flinging darts and sponges at kids.

I'll have to put the videos online soon so all can partakes of the madness from the comfort of their radioactive computer screen of death.

Video was especially hard this year because it felt like there was always stuff going on that I needed to be videotaping, and I really didn't have much help on the tech side of things.  But I think it turned out pretty well, and this is the first Big Wow, where I had DVD's for sale as soon as we got back to the church.

I hope the awesomeness of camp and the DVD's I made will help get more kids to come next year.  If we could get 50-80 kids there, we would be unstoppable... once I used my Kung-Pao mind control device on the children.

I'm in Erie now visiting family, which is fun.  My car is in the shop here because it's leaking oil.  I'm supposed to leave today, but that probably depends on my car.  I'm really looking forward to the Big Wow staff pool-party tonight, so I hope I get back.  I can just foresee tonight being awesome, carefree fun, where we can jump into water full of toxic poison, which will be readily absorbed through our skin.  I'm sorry did that last part ruin it?  Maybe I'll just put my feet in for a little bit.

Alright, that's all you get.  Say thank you and go browse some other less gratifying blogs... I mean Daily Accounts.