Mammon

I feel so incredibly stressed sometimes, like right now. I'm sure there are a few things contributing to my stress level, but the biggest right now is money.

Part of me hates money. I hate how important it is in society. I hate how without enough of it my existence seems doomed. And I hate how it is unfairly awarded to people. Some who do practically no work, or do a horrible job at the work they do get tons of money. Some who work the hard jobs nobody wants to do get paid minimum wage. Then there are all the all-encompassing grandient in between.

Sure there are times I really like money and feel blessed by money. Perhaps it's because I tend to be on the lower end of the pay scale. I find myself getting very angry inside at people who spend without thought. Someone I used to be, and would very likely become again, given a generous influx of income. I have to watch every penny, and anytime I indulge to the least I certainly pay for it by cashing in coins at the end of the month. I wish it could be like the end of Acts 2, where we just gave to whoever needed as we could.

I sound needy, greedy, and lazy in writing this, I'm sure. I don't mean to be. It's not that I desire to take from others as I need, because I much prefer to give, but I just like to know that if it ends up being a hard month that someone is right there wanting to help. In the Kingdom of God we should have no need to worry. And I am blessed to have family that looks out for me, and I try to look out for others as much as I am able... there's just something a little off in the heart of it all.

I think we need to come together and feel each other's burdens so we can relate to it, and together lift those burdens. It's been rewarding for me to spend time with some much less fortunate that myself, and learning what life can look like to someone who would consider me wealthy. It makes me want to devote less of my income to myself, when I see someone who is living a life of even less. What do I really need? How can I justify spending that much on that thing? Is this shirt really too old, or is it still functional? Do I need to eat as much as I do? Is a form of entertainment that costs money really that much more fun than playing games with friends for free?

I don't really know the point of this blog. I consider it very unfocused and probably not effective at conveying a point I have not even come to realize myself. Ultimately, I'm stressed today. I have no reason to be though, because God has never let me down. There is absolutely no reason to believe God is not in control of the situation.