I Think I'm SAD

I have been a log of crap lately.

I feel unmotivated in the day to day things of life. I haven't been doing much in the way of cooking, cleaning, eating as healthy as usual, going outside, working out, etc. I do stuff because I'm a busy guy, but whatever is optional, or no one is relying on me for, I completely neglect. I just want to sleep and eat salty foods and occasionally use the bathroom (but only if necessary). This has onset over the last couple weeks. Why?

Maybe I'm SAD. Yes, seasonal affective disorder. I don't know if this is totally true, and I'm not really depressed or anything... like I said, just a... turd. It's common for me to not work out as much (or at all) in the winter; just a trend I've noticed. I haven't been cooking for myself too long, so no real trends to pick up on there. I've been sleepy, but I don't think I sleep as well at my new place for some reason, plus it's chilly in the morning, so I don't like leaving the covers.

What it really comes down to though is the dreariness. I miss the warmth of the sun and frolicking and frog licking outside. They say that in hardship is where ingenuity thrives... actually I just said that. But I think I've come up with a simple idea. Portable, wearable heat lamps. Light, warmth, and lamps make everyone happier. Look, I have visuals for you if you think it'll help...

This is a SAD ham. The dreariness of changing seasons has him in a funk. His body is tired and he hasn't seen a direct ray of sunlight in days.




This is a happy ham. The warm, life-giving rays of his heat lamp have invigorated every cell in his body and he is desiring to live each day to the fullest.

My logic and visuals prove my point exactly, and I dare you or anyone else to try to say otherwise. With this inventive accomplishment thought out, now we just need to get the mechanics worked out. There are certainly some questions and possible pitfalls...

#1. Fire
It's good to feel warm, but fire is a little overkill. Now don't get me wrong, when given the choice between mild depression and life-threatening burns, I'll choose the burns every time; however, I think if we work hard we can find solutions that will allow us warmth and a (fake) sunny day all the time, without the risk of 3rd degree burns and the subsequent infections from said burns. Maybe we'll attach water fountains to our heads that will keep a constant blanket of water flowing over our bodies to save us from this flaming danger.


#2. Skipping School
We all know that School In Summertime = No Class, but School In Wintertime should equal Class. If both Summertime and Wintertime = No Class, we'd be a lot stupider. The picture above shows exactly what would happen if heat lamps were plentiful enough that everyone had an industrial strength heat lamp in cold climates. They would be laying out in the snow working on their tan... ALL THE TIME!!!

Now, I know adults are more responsible, but I can't help think that several adults would also lose their jobs due to a lamp obsession, resulting in what I like to call Arrested Lampedevelopment.

And besides... look here buddy, you need a lamp on both sides, you're going to get some wicked frostbite.


#3. Doorways Not Tall Enough
If these gadgets are going to be portable, we're have to figure out how to let people of average height and taller walk through doorways without needing to duck. We could find a way to make a collapsible lamp, but that would mean it can't be on while in a collapsed state, unacceptable! We could put holes above every doorway to allow the lamp to pass through, but that's ridiculous. We could just raise all the doorways in the world, but that would be expensive. There's only one solution I can see...
Robots.
These robots will allow us mobility, without having height interference with our heat lamps. Now don't get me wrong, this is not necessarily the robot we will use, it's just an example. Ours will be much more awesome. We'll also paint it sky blue and have flowers on it to remind us of summer. Plus it'll shoot fireworks.


#4. Lamp Burn
Now, I realize this one looks a lot like what I mentioned in #1 (Fire), but it's really quite different. #1 was an issue of personal effects catching of fire, and thus setting your skin ablaze. What I'm talking about here is much more subtle, yet equally inconvenient.

When being exposed to heat lamp radiation throughout most or all of your day/life, you don't want to overdo it. There are simple fixes to this problem, such as sun screen or lowing the power to the bulb, but I hate sunscreen and I love sunshine, whether real or fake. But let's face it, sunburn does ruin a summer, so it is not acceptible in this world I'm creating.

The avenue of greatest potential with the lowest annoyance factor is genetic mutation. By watching every spider man episode ever, I think I've figured out how to make a lizardman, rhinoman, birdman, and an elephant man (but ironically, not a spiderman). None of these do me any good because none are impervious to excessively high amount of radiation. I hope that what I've learned will ultimately lead me to the invention of a cockroseman. It's basically a mixture of cockroach (for it's invulnerability to radiation), man (for his intellect and Nascar), and a rose (so that we will no longer need to eat, but gain all of our food from the rays of our heat lamp).


Well, I think I'm going to leave it at that. I'm afraid if I say any more you will get too excited start living the "lamp life" before all the kinks have been worked out. But I assure you, I'm on it.

SAD will no longer have a slight affect on my mood anymore!

LONG LIVE INNOVATION!