Compu-Stein

No, Compu-Stein is not a Jewish robot. It is, rather, me alluding to the new computer I'm building.

This post will be boring to probably everyone who reads my blog, but get over yourself, this blog isn't about you, it's about me. I'm important, and a documentation of my life, in all areas, is very important for posterity.

I've started working with my friend Jess at Warhola Productions every now and then as freelance. There are perks though. Such as picking up equipment they no longer are going to use at good prices. So I'm going to buy very soon from them a Matrox RT.X2, to replace my old Matrox RT.X100.

The thing is... I still like my RT.X100, and it works fine. Plus my computer could barely handle an RT.X2; so we all know what that means... time to Upgrade, HOORAY!!!

It's a fun time, but also an expensive time. I must say though, I'm going all out for this machine, and it's going to rock hard.

Processor:
Intel Core i7 940 - bought it on Craigslist from a guy who won one at a convention. It's a shame they are soon discontinuing it. Still a good processor though.

Motherboard:
Asus Rampage II Extreme - This thing is a beast. Got one on E-bay well under retail cost.

Asus Rampage II Extreme Motherboard
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Graphics Card:
Sapphire Radeon HD 4850 X2 2GB - When I saw 4 DVI outputs and an analog out, I fell in love. Steve Love Options! It's basically 2 video cards in one. And then you can link up multiple HD 4850's; TECHNOLOGY!!!

Sapphire Radeon HD 4850 X2 PCIe Video Card
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Chassis:
Thermaltake Spedo Advance Package - I came across many really sweet cases, but I don't think I can pass this one up, even though it's a little past my budget. With some big-time components in there generating lots of heat, I think this is the case to keep it all cool. Plus the cable management is complete awesomeness.

Thermaltake SPEDO Full-Tower ATX Case
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RAM:
OCZ FLEX EX DD3 - Nothing too exciting, but 6Gig is cool. And I can easily upgrade it to 12Gig in the near future if I desire. Six RAM slots on the motherboard and bought 3 2GB sticks.

Hard Drive:
Seagate 1.5 TB SATA - Bought this from Frys.com at a very good price. There is a lot of talk from people about how the drive doesn't work properly, but new firmware updates have solved all known issues, as far as I can tell. This will be used for media/video files mostly. Perhaps when prices come down I will make a RAID of 1.5TB drives. I'm also planning on transporting my a WD Raptor 10,000RPM drive from my old computer as the system drive on this new one.

Power Supply:
This is the only component I have not yet purchased. I'm having trouble gauging how much power I need since my motherboard, processor, and video card can all be power hogs if I'm doing intense work with them. But more than likely I will not max out their wattage potential. I'm probably shooting for 1000-1200Watts.
Here is my most likely candidate...
Tuniq Ripper 1000Watt PSU - It's $80 off after rebates and has a very high rating, even though I've never heard of the brand before.

If you have any suggestions or parts to offer me for my new Compu-Stein, please offer them up. Possible names for this rig are also welcome (keep them clean).

Some of you may at times think I'm a cool, interesting guy... No? Well let's pretend. After reading posts like this current one, you realize none of that is true. I am pure dork and no girl will ever want me. But it's ok because I have a TI-83. Or maybe this. Or maybe I'm black. Yeah I'm definitely black! Too far?

I'm sexy as a black man though, right? No? Ok, fine.

I doubt many of you have found your way to the gems at the end of this nerdtastic blog entry, so to those of you who endured, yours are the spoils.

Floridia

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Florida Pythons on the Loose
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I'm in Tampa International Airport right now typing this blog, charging my laptop, and waiting for my plane. I am quite the little mutli-tasker, huh?

We stayed the week at my uncle's vacation house here in Florida, which is much grander by my standards than he considers it to be. The place has two bedrooms, a nice living room, screened in porch, unscreened porch, big kitchen, tall ceilings, a few HD TV's, two bathrooms, and so on and so on. Not huge, but big, and very nice.










We forgot our camera, so all the pictures we have was either taken with my laptop camera (the two above) or taken with my mom's cell phone.

When we arrived in Florida, my uncle and grandfather picked us up. They had come down about a week earlier with my other uncle and cousin, who had just left that morning. So for the next few days it would be me, mom, Uncle Jerry, and Scooge (my grandfather).

We had a good time. I felt like a jerk because I didn't talk much. I'm not very vocal when my mom is around... she's vocal enough for everyone. But it was nice have Scooge there. We kind of jab at him a lot because he's old and slow and whatnot. But it's all in fun, and he opens himself up to the teasing. Plus he's just a good guy.

My uncle took us around some of the surrounding areas the next few days and showed us where everything was, since we would be here a few days after he and my grandfather went back home. We went to Siesta Key (one of the top beaches in America), a pre-season Pirate game, and some local restaurants.

The first day or two I was not liking the sun. We were constanly in the sun... eating outside, driving with the top down, at the beach, or at a ball game... sun sun sun! I love the sun, but my light complected body needs a little time for adjustment, moving from 50 degree drizzle to 80 degree sunshine. I'm adjusted now, but there were a few moments of near misery in there. But the weather was beautiful. Sunny and about 80 every day, except one where it drizzled a bit with clouds, then cleared up by late afternoon.

I especially liked driving around in my uncles Mercedes convertible this weekend. There's just something fun about cruising down the highway with the wind in your hair and the sun on your shoulders. It made me feel very cool... and it made me really want a convertible!

I'm used to a life of conservitive, low-cost living. This was not that. All the stuff we were partaking of was not cheap, at least for the most part. My mom has been working a lot lately (the past few years especially) so she likes to flaunt her money from time to time... maybe not flaunt, but live it up or not feel like she needs to hold back. At least on vacation and sometimes in the day to day. I really don't like this. I've always worried about our (her) money situation, since I was a child.

I also wonder about if it's right to buy extravaganet or at least somewhat costly things, that are not necessary. People in Africa and Haiti are dying of malnutrition, and we're dishing out money for expensive tours or expensive meals. It kind of took away from the trip a bit. I'd actually prefer to spend less and just enjoy myself with the best things in life (which are free). Maybe it is ok to pamper yourself sometimes, I know I do... I just have trouble justifying it in my mind sometimes, be it toward myself or others.

I also was conflicted with where the money for much of this was coming from; my uncle. Not so much him, cause he's a good, generous guy. But he makes his living from cosmetic surgery. Not the kind where your kid was in an accident and their face no longer exists... more the kind where that 50 year old wants new boobs, that dude is tired of being bald, she wants to pretend she's 30 again, and he wants to lose 50 lbs without doing any work. Vanity. I think it's a major problem in America. There's a statistic where breast augmentation is one of the top graduation gifts being given to girls graduating high school. If I don't believe in this obsession and I don't believe in those who endorse it, how can I reap its financial rewards with a clear conscience?

Here's where some people think I'm crazy, but am I? It's a matter of morals and principles. And also logic. I'm somewhat perpetuating this, maybe only mildly and in an indirect way, but I am.

I don't mean to put a damper on the trip. It was great for the most part, and God was gracious with the weather. I would like to come back to Florida sometime soon with the friends. My mom was fine, but often our meals consisted of her texting and a lot of silence. There's only so much we have to say to each other... but we got along alright.

I really want to come back... and I want a convertible. So let me know when you have one for me! Not really... I'll just eat my fruits and vegetables and drive my '93 Suburu Impreza.



Maybe this post was a better fit for my other blog.

When Life Gets Heavy

Life has been a bit confusing lately, and certainly not relaxing. Since graduating college and ignoring my degree I have had a rough time financially. I justified this as a venture towards a simple life as a means to have a more fulfilling existence and have a positive effect on the world. I recited this mantra in my head repeatedly, especially when I was faint of heart and light of wallet. I can remember times where I would sit on my bed in a buzzed (not buzzed with alcohol or narcotics) state of mind, just trying to strategize some sort of way to manifest the money I needed to pay my bills. What could I sell? What little job could I pick up? Does anybody owe me any money? It always seemed to end in me rolling the coins from my piggy bank.

The hidden question in my mind was, do I use this sense of righteous duty to the greater way as a cop out for being unsuccessful? Everyone did and does get on my case about finding a job. "Do you have a job yet?" Of course I do, it's a part time job, I've had it for a few years. "But you need to keep looking for something."

I'm not wealthy now. I'm probably not even close to middle class at this point. But I feel wealthier, especially compared to where I was just a few months ago. What I make with my regular salary is about enough to cover all my bills. I've also been getting quite a bit of computer tech/video work. I can afford to eat out every now and then now, I am affording some new equipment, and I am able to give more to people in need. I feel like I should say "good for me!" It's looking more and more like my video business could become something lucrative as word spreads. Success is within my grasp!

Money doesn't bring meaning or success to life. I'm seriously not opposed to people making money, and I'm glad I can put a little more into the church offering on a regular basis, but the busyness, stress, and distraction it has brought me makes me feel like a failure. I miss some of the spontaneity I strived for before, the time of reflection and thinking I allowed for myself, and the amount of time I spent seeking God. Sometimes I felt lazy as being someone who didn't have a job job, but instead would hang out with homeless people, think about stuff, read, debate with Mormons, and write blogs. Now I feel lazy for not doing those things like I should.

Should I be able to live both sides adequately? Maybe. I want to say yes, but I also feel like something is always sacrificed. If I really do have to choose, I think I prefer the one that brings me more peace. But maybe I am just lazy. Perhaps I can do all these things still, but in recent experience of trying, I have felt exhausted trying to do everything I should and want to do.

As I've considered all of these things I've realized how alone I am (or at least feel). It seems like I need to do everything for myself and help out other people with their stuff. I have almost no one looking out for me, or lessening my burden. I feel I should clarify... there are people like my volunteers with Campus Life, my family who has helped me out financially and other ways many times, and other friends who are there for me. But still overall I feel like the guy who needs to carry the world.

Even if I need to carry most of the things in my life, some good moral support would do wonders. I'm starved for affection. I find myself longing for a strong enduring hug that someone only gives you when they really care. I actually find myself going home to my mom's more often just so I can get a hug and kiss from my mom (whom most of you know I'm not all that close with). I've built the castle I'm living in. I'm typically not real touchy or affectionate, out of fear that it would be awkward or misconstrued or just because I never have been that way with so-and-so. But there's something special about being around people who love to embrace, encourage, and just plain love each other. It's freeing and life-giving.

My cousin Sam is a perfect example. When you talk to him he looks you in the eye. He cares. He talks loud and with passion. He loves to hug and kiss... and pinch cheeks. He's so uninhibited with displaying his affection. I love seeing him and I can't help but smile when he's around. When I experience his zest, I see hints of what I want my life to display.

I guess I should start being this a little more to those around me. Maybe we all should. I would imagine most of us could use a deep loving hug more than we admit. So next time you see me, don't be surprised to get a big hug... or if I don't why don't you surprise me with a big hug... and if you're daring, a sloppy kiss.

Mammon

I feel so incredibly stressed sometimes, like right now. I'm sure there are a few things contributing to my stress level, but the biggest right now is money.

Part of me hates money. I hate how important it is in society. I hate how without enough of it my existence seems doomed. And I hate how it is unfairly awarded to people. Some who do practically no work, or do a horrible job at the work they do get tons of money. Some who work the hard jobs nobody wants to do get paid minimum wage. Then there are all the all-encompassing grandient in between.

Sure there are times I really like money and feel blessed by money. Perhaps it's because I tend to be on the lower end of the pay scale. I find myself getting very angry inside at people who spend without thought. Someone I used to be, and would very likely become again, given a generous influx of income. I have to watch every penny, and anytime I indulge to the least I certainly pay for it by cashing in coins at the end of the month. I wish it could be like the end of Acts 2, where we just gave to whoever needed as we could.

I sound needy, greedy, and lazy in writing this, I'm sure. I don't mean to be. It's not that I desire to take from others as I need, because I much prefer to give, but I just like to know that if it ends up being a hard month that someone is right there wanting to help. In the Kingdom of God we should have no need to worry. And I am blessed to have family that looks out for me, and I try to look out for others as much as I am able... there's just something a little off in the heart of it all.

I think we need to come together and feel each other's burdens so we can relate to it, and together lift those burdens. It's been rewarding for me to spend time with some much less fortunate that myself, and learning what life can look like to someone who would consider me wealthy. It makes me want to devote less of my income to myself, when I see someone who is living a life of even less. What do I really need? How can I justify spending that much on that thing? Is this shirt really too old, or is it still functional? Do I need to eat as much as I do? Is a form of entertainment that costs money really that much more fun than playing games with friends for free?

I don't really know the point of this blog. I consider it very unfocused and probably not effective at conveying a point I have not even come to realize myself. Ultimately, I'm stressed today. I have no reason to be though, because God has never let me down. There is absolutely no reason to believe God is not in control of the situation.