Mammon

I feel so incredibly stressed sometimes, like right now. I'm sure there are a few things contributing to my stress level, but the biggest right now is money.

Part of me hates money. I hate how important it is in society. I hate how without enough of it my existence seems doomed. And I hate how it is unfairly awarded to people. Some who do practically no work, or do a horrible job at the work they do get tons of money. Some who work the hard jobs nobody wants to do get paid minimum wage. Then there are all the all-encompassing grandient in between.

Sure there are times I really like money and feel blessed by money. Perhaps it's because I tend to be on the lower end of the pay scale. I find myself getting very angry inside at people who spend without thought. Someone I used to be, and would very likely become again, given a generous influx of income. I have to watch every penny, and anytime I indulge to the least I certainly pay for it by cashing in coins at the end of the month. I wish it could be like the end of Acts 2, where we just gave to whoever needed as we could.

I sound needy, greedy, and lazy in writing this, I'm sure. I don't mean to be. It's not that I desire to take from others as I need, because I much prefer to give, but I just like to know that if it ends up being a hard month that someone is right there wanting to help. In the Kingdom of God we should have no need to worry. And I am blessed to have family that looks out for me, and I try to look out for others as much as I am able... there's just something a little off in the heart of it all.

I think we need to come together and feel each other's burdens so we can relate to it, and together lift those burdens. It's been rewarding for me to spend time with some much less fortunate that myself, and learning what life can look like to someone who would consider me wealthy. It makes me want to devote less of my income to myself, when I see someone who is living a life of even less. What do I really need? How can I justify spending that much on that thing? Is this shirt really too old, or is it still functional? Do I need to eat as much as I do? Is a form of entertainment that costs money really that much more fun than playing games with friends for free?

I don't really know the point of this blog. I consider it very unfocused and probably not effective at conveying a point I have not even come to realize myself. Ultimately, I'm stressed today. I have no reason to be though, because God has never let me down. There is absolutely no reason to believe God is not in control of the situation.

Sorry

Ok guys, I know this isn't the most Christian thing to post, and maybe I'll retract it later... but a friend of mine with the initials J.D. came up with the idea... and some may find it funny, some may find it offensive, others may just scratch their heads.

It made me chuckle, but no doubt I'm an unrighteous sinner.


Whoever Photoshopped that is masterful :)

What Is New?

Do you ever have someone ask you, "What's new?" and you realize that you haven't been paying enough attention to your life to even know what is new. You've completely gone on autopilot, and can tell someone more about what the new happenings are in your favorite TV show than you can about your own authentic, real, live, late breaking existence. That's how I feel most of the time.

When I look back at my recent life, even the last several weeks, I know I'm doing stuff. Some of the things are even kind of new, untypical, and meaningful... but I still have trouble remembering them for some reason. Perhaps we can become so focused as to what is next, that we forget to remember what has been, and how our past has shaped and is shaping what we do today.

I haven't blogged on here for almost a month, which seems ridiculous. My good friend Kelly reminded me I need to update my blog so she can keep some tabs on my life, so here I am. Oh and by the way, exciting news! Kelly as of yesterday is engaged!!! I know she'll probably check up on this blog within the next few days/weeks but I'll talk like she isn't. I'm honestly incredibly happy for Kelly. I feel this way more so for her than I would most people. She's a lovely, genuine person, and I feel like she deserves this, especially because I know the guy she is marrying is as awesome (to replace lovely) and genuine as she is. So yes, I am very pumped that IT actually happened. Way to go!

On with life. So, yeah, today I got engaged. No, none of you (all three of you) believed that one.

Some semi-quick updates:

I'm finally feeling like my place is becoming home. It's nice to not visit my mom's so much, or at least for very short periods of time when I do visit. It's also nice being within a mile of 80% of my travel locations; church 1, church 2, church 3, mom's, aunt's, gym, porch.

I started going to another church. I don't think it'll be an every week thing, but I do kind of like it. It is a 7th Day Adventist church, which I didn't know a ton about going into it, and still have some question... but I like the people, the focus in outreach, and the humility and openness in continuing to learn about who God is and what that means to us. They hold the sabbath day to be Saturday, which works out well. They also meet in a cafe that they run as a sort of fundraiser. It's spiffy.

My friend Raymond, who I think I wrote about before is becoming more motivated to get a job. I helped him apply at TSA. I honestly doubt his ability to get a job there, but I will encourage movement toward him no longer needing to pan handle to pay rent. Now I'm trying to convince him to get a job at the post office or something. I also believe I am not going to give him any more money, at least until he makes some more solid moves toward employment.

I'm low on funds, but am currently doing video for Montour Football's highlight video, so I'm filming most of the games. I am also going to be doing some bigger video work for my uncle's practice, videoing and editing some promotional web videos to scatter around the internet. Plus I just did some computer work for my cousin Sam, and from that he told a friend who is starting a business, so I'm helping him with some minor tech stuff this week and maybe more in the future.

So I suppose life has been in some ways exciting and new with the new friends and activities and living situation, but it also feels extroadinarily mundane. Maybe I miss some of the incredibly close friendships I haven't been sharing in as much lately. The ones where we talk about serious stuff, and then laugh hysterically at funny scenarios, jokes, and remembering old situations we've been in. Those nights that ultimately end up with me half alseep on someone's couch. The times of fellowship and friendship where I can be myself without feeling the need to put on any show, and somehow being more fun and entertaining than if I had been trying. It's great meeting new people and starting friendships, but there's nothing quite like the "old gang."

I feel like I'm approaching a corner in my life, that when I suddenly turn that corner, I'll realize everything is much different than it ever was. I pray that difference will have soft tones of reminiscence and comfort woven into its foreign pattern, so I can find peace in gazing and exploring what new things life has to offer.

I've missed blogging. Sorry this didn't have a smack of ham to it; aka my weird, funny, sarcastic ramblings stuck in places they don't belong.

I may write another blog directly after this one. It will probably be more serious, but has potential for some SOH's (Smack Of Ham). By the way "Smack of Ham" is the new "Hot Water Pie."