Kick-off of Wedding Season 08/09

I don't know when "wedding season" actually starts, but this was the beginning of mine. Does using gaming terminology for the wedding scene allow me to ready, aim, and fire at couples rhythmically jaunting down the aisle; with a bee bee gun of course, we're not shooting to kill, just to stir things up. You know, trouble in paradise; playing The Most Dangerous Game in paradise.

Anyway, I went with my mother to a wedding in York, PA. I was her guest, she was not mine... I am not asking my mother to accompany to a wedding, no matter how bad I may be at scoring a date. My mom's friend's son, who is right about my age, got married to some girl. Riveting, huh? I had only met the guy once before, and never met the chick before. She was a cute girl, but from the little nuances I picked up, not someone I would go after.

So I don't know if this really counts counts as the first wedding of my season, since it wasn't a friend, but I'm sure you won't fault me for including it. I act as though I will be attending 10 weddings over the course of this year... well probably not that many... but dare I order the weddings of my friends as I expect them to occur? I dare.

Jesse's wedding is set, so he's first. Then, since Kelly just got engaged, and since everyone knows it's the perfect match, I put her as number 2. Kristin keeps talking about getting married, so, even though she can be deceiving, I'll put her at number 3. Seth, although very good at not coming into Pittsburgh to hang out, I suppose must be getting close to engagement with his girlfriend of several years; he is number 4. And even though she's family, she's still a friend, I put Lacey at 5, since she seems really set on getting married and having babies soon... but we'll still give her a few years. As far as timing... I could see potentially up to the first three happening by the end of 2009, but once again, that's potentially.

The rest is too far outside my radar to know... but I wouldn't put it past Anth-a-ma-nanth to pull something out of his hat, and everyone wondering where that came from. If you're wondering where I rate... I will be the next to last one to get married. I peg myself for tying the knot at 38 or maybe 42, just in front of Jason Kozak, at 44.

Seriously though, the wedding ceremony scares me. The marriage part I think I could handle ok, but I don't want to have this special moment in front of everyone I know. I'd much rather have it in front of a lady in a moo-moo with a mustache and a college drop-out, Elvis impersonator. It's just more... meaningful that way. I know, I'm missing the point of the wedding, I just don't like being in front of people like that, unless it's on my terms, not theirs or society's. But after we run away to get married, we will have a cookout, so I can inexpensively gather all my friends and family to play volleyball, eat veggie-burgers, and give me and my super-model wife expensive presents and well-wishes.

But just to throw this out there, I think a marriage will take place on Tuesday. Yes, the joining in holy MACramony, of me and my new Macbook Pro. I can't wait to get a new laptop. I feel greedy and sinful desiring a possession so much, but oh well. To consummate the marriage will we have to have cyber-s... nevermind.

If you are enough in my friend circle(s) to add potentials to the list, please do. Or if you want to speculate a different order, please do that as well. And if you're a mac fan and want to speculate or discuss the new features, you are welcome to also. Just leave some comments, I never get any!

I Think I'm SAD

I have been a log of crap lately.

I feel unmotivated in the day to day things of life. I haven't been doing much in the way of cooking, cleaning, eating as healthy as usual, going outside, working out, etc. I do stuff because I'm a busy guy, but whatever is optional, or no one is relying on me for, I completely neglect. I just want to sleep and eat salty foods and occasionally use the bathroom (but only if necessary). This has onset over the last couple weeks. Why?

Maybe I'm SAD. Yes, seasonal affective disorder. I don't know if this is totally true, and I'm not really depressed or anything... like I said, just a... turd. It's common for me to not work out as much (or at all) in the winter; just a trend I've noticed. I haven't been cooking for myself too long, so no real trends to pick up on there. I've been sleepy, but I don't think I sleep as well at my new place for some reason, plus it's chilly in the morning, so I don't like leaving the covers.

What it really comes down to though is the dreariness. I miss the warmth of the sun and frolicking and frog licking outside. They say that in hardship is where ingenuity thrives... actually I just said that. But I think I've come up with a simple idea. Portable, wearable heat lamps. Light, warmth, and lamps make everyone happier. Look, I have visuals for you if you think it'll help...

This is a SAD ham. The dreariness of changing seasons has him in a funk. His body is tired and he hasn't seen a direct ray of sunlight in days.




This is a happy ham. The warm, life-giving rays of his heat lamp have invigorated every cell in his body and he is desiring to live each day to the fullest.

My logic and visuals prove my point exactly, and I dare you or anyone else to try to say otherwise. With this inventive accomplishment thought out, now we just need to get the mechanics worked out. There are certainly some questions and possible pitfalls...

#1. Fire
It's good to feel warm, but fire is a little overkill. Now don't get me wrong, when given the choice between mild depression and life-threatening burns, I'll choose the burns every time; however, I think if we work hard we can find solutions that will allow us warmth and a (fake) sunny day all the time, without the risk of 3rd degree burns and the subsequent infections from said burns. Maybe we'll attach water fountains to our heads that will keep a constant blanket of water flowing over our bodies to save us from this flaming danger.


#2. Skipping School
We all know that School In Summertime = No Class, but School In Wintertime should equal Class. If both Summertime and Wintertime = No Class, we'd be a lot stupider. The picture above shows exactly what would happen if heat lamps were plentiful enough that everyone had an industrial strength heat lamp in cold climates. They would be laying out in the snow working on their tan... ALL THE TIME!!!

Now, I know adults are more responsible, but I can't help think that several adults would also lose their jobs due to a lamp obsession, resulting in what I like to call Arrested Lampedevelopment.

And besides... look here buddy, you need a lamp on both sides, you're going to get some wicked frostbite.


#3. Doorways Not Tall Enough
If these gadgets are going to be portable, we're have to figure out how to let people of average height and taller walk through doorways without needing to duck. We could find a way to make a collapsible lamp, but that would mean it can't be on while in a collapsed state, unacceptable! We could put holes above every doorway to allow the lamp to pass through, but that's ridiculous. We could just raise all the doorways in the world, but that would be expensive. There's only one solution I can see...
Robots.
These robots will allow us mobility, without having height interference with our heat lamps. Now don't get me wrong, this is not necessarily the robot we will use, it's just an example. Ours will be much more awesome. We'll also paint it sky blue and have flowers on it to remind us of summer. Plus it'll shoot fireworks.


#4. Lamp Burn
Now, I realize this one looks a lot like what I mentioned in #1 (Fire), but it's really quite different. #1 was an issue of personal effects catching of fire, and thus setting your skin ablaze. What I'm talking about here is much more subtle, yet equally inconvenient.

When being exposed to heat lamp radiation throughout most or all of your day/life, you don't want to overdo it. There are simple fixes to this problem, such as sun screen or lowing the power to the bulb, but I hate sunscreen and I love sunshine, whether real or fake. But let's face it, sunburn does ruin a summer, so it is not acceptible in this world I'm creating.

The avenue of greatest potential with the lowest annoyance factor is genetic mutation. By watching every spider man episode ever, I think I've figured out how to make a lizardman, rhinoman, birdman, and an elephant man (but ironically, not a spiderman). None of these do me any good because none are impervious to excessively high amount of radiation. I hope that what I've learned will ultimately lead me to the invention of a cockroseman. It's basically a mixture of cockroach (for it's invulnerability to radiation), man (for his intellect and Nascar), and a rose (so that we will no longer need to eat, but gain all of our food from the rays of our heat lamp).


Well, I think I'm going to leave it at that. I'm afraid if I say any more you will get too excited start living the "lamp life" before all the kinks have been worked out. But I assure you, I'm on it.

SAD will no longer have a slight affect on my mood anymore!

LONG LIVE INNOVATION!

SNL

I really like it when SNL is funny. I remember a few years where I could watch an episode and not even laugh the entire show. It certainly still has its hit and miss sketches, but I think it might be on the upswing right now.

I found this sketch to be quite entertaining, mostly due to the hands.




The VP debate sketch at the beginning was really quite funny too. I'll probably post that on Pragmatically Charged.

How Do I Summit All Up?

This past weekend+ (Sat - Tues) I was at a Campus Life Summit, and then a Youth For Christ Conference, which were back to back at the same place.

It was a neat time, where I definitely got a chance to connect with leaders from other parts of the area, like Erie, Long Island, Scranton, etc. I feel like I made more friends this year than I did last year, although I recognized some of the leaders from last year.

It amazes me how the summit was full of ministers, yet there was not much time left for personal devotion or Bible study. It seems like those things are both put on hold or rushed by a most staff, sacrificed in order to spend more time building relationships and having fun with new friends and people you hardly see. I guess it's somewhat understandable, but it seems very common of trips in general, whether student, leader, or student leader. It's kind of like devotions get pushed to the side so that we can hear about God from other people, or just have a good time. I was really trying to give a good amount of time to God in my devotions this weekend. I'm really striving to make it a priority to study and pray for a couple hours everyday.

Another thing I noticed, was that there are some very cool, godly, intelligent, good looking girls in this ministry. This give me hope that maybe I can someday find a girl for me who is all of the above. The thing about that is, all the ones at this conference were married. This makes me wonder if there will be any awesome chicks left for me when it's all said and done. I try not to dwell on this too much though.

The summit and conference were in the Poconos by Scranton, PA. Most of the Scranton people are all about The Office, but one guy really didn't like it at all (so he says). It's amazing how the leaves are all changing up there already, while Pittsburgh remains very green. I guess when you're "The Poconos" you can afford to be awesome before everyone else.

During some of our free time, the Metro-Pitt crew (to which I belong) decided to take a hike. About 5 minutes into it I remembered that I hurt my ankle not so long ago, and this whole hike was probably a bad idea, but I continued. We climbed up rocks, searched for crayfish in the streams, watched the water fall at the waterfall. At one point I discovered a branch full of bugs that were like nothing I had ever seen. They kind of looked like tiny spiders, although they had six legs, with a big furry butt. Seriously they had a bunch of long white silky hair, that looked kind of like Don King, coming out of their butt. And what they did with these abnormally hairy butts is wave them around, back and forth, so it looked like they were dancing at a rave party or something. It was just really strange. And there were probably thousands of them on one branch, but nowhere else. Hardly moving anywhere, just dancing. If it was a mating dance, it worked... for me.

We kept hiking until we reached a clearing, filled with crushed rocks and dead trees. It looked like a scene out of Lord of the Rings. Dave found a plant that tasted like root beer, so we all chewed on the stems for a while, and then got drunk on the beer aspect of the root. We spent a while just standing around talking. We shared different games we had made up, and played a few of them. After a while we continued on a little further, to an overlook. There was a big rock hanging over the ledge, to a drop off, with another part of the path below. We hung out on the rock, throwing little rocks at trees like we were the high school kids we minister too. That was largely the theme at of our hike at this point... being immature.

At one point Dave decided he wanted to throw a big rock over the ledge. He found one that probably weighed a good 300lbs, and wanted us to help him throw it over. Luckily Chris, our executive director, was at least a little bit of an adult and assured us it was not a good idea. Dave found a smaller rock, about the size of human head, and was carrying toward the overlook in one hand above his head. As he's walking he slips and goes down faster than I thought gravity pulled. We're all laughing, including Dave, and as his hand begins to emerge from the fall, we see it covered in blood. Yet we still laugh, but now feel guilty for our laughter.

Luckily we had just discovered a bucket hanging from a tree, which was a trauma kit. So we went to the kit, and bandaged up his finger, which was sliced pretty good. Basically when Dave fell the rock came out of his hand, and then landed on his hands. One was pretty bruised and the other cut open. He ended up having to go to the hospital, after we walked the 2-3 miles back to camp, and got stitches. It was an adventure, and Dave learned a valuable lesson. Don't get hurt anymore.

I also heard a really funny story while I was there. This is a true story from about a week or two ago. A middle-aged guy is taking his mother to the mall. And while driving runs over a cat by accident. He keeps driving and his mom, is yelling at him to go back and get it. He says "Why should I go get it?" His mom wants him to bury it. So eventually she convinces him to turn around, and he puts the cat in a Macy's bag that he found in his car, and takes it with them.
They still go to the mall, but take the bag with the dead cat out, and stick it under the car while they shop, so it doesn't stink up the inside of his car. After shopping they're getting some food, and can see the car from the window where they are eating. A lady walks up to the car. Sees the bag underneath it, and keeps looking around. Then all the sudden she grabs the bag and bolts away from the car. The guy chuckles at the thought of her stealing a dead cat, thinking it was a coat or something from Macy's. Then a few minutes later, an ambulance arrives. The man goes to see what's going on. The lady who had stolen the bag had passed out, and lay unconscious on the ground. She must have looked in the bag and fainted when she saw a dead cat. The EMT's put her on a gurney and bring her into the ambulance. One of them grabs the Macy's bag, puts is on her chest as she lay unconscious, and they close the doors to the Ambulance and drive away.

Doesn't that sound like something from a movie or TV show. Pretty funny... and REAL!

Alright, I'm done, I haven't left the house yet, so I'm off to enslave the world.

Mammon

I feel so incredibly stressed sometimes, like right now. I'm sure there are a few things contributing to my stress level, but the biggest right now is money.

Part of me hates money. I hate how important it is in society. I hate how without enough of it my existence seems doomed. And I hate how it is unfairly awarded to people. Some who do practically no work, or do a horrible job at the work they do get tons of money. Some who work the hard jobs nobody wants to do get paid minimum wage. Then there are all the all-encompassing grandient in between.

Sure there are times I really like money and feel blessed by money. Perhaps it's because I tend to be on the lower end of the pay scale. I find myself getting very angry inside at people who spend without thought. Someone I used to be, and would very likely become again, given a generous influx of income. I have to watch every penny, and anytime I indulge to the least I certainly pay for it by cashing in coins at the end of the month. I wish it could be like the end of Acts 2, where we just gave to whoever needed as we could.

I sound needy, greedy, and lazy in writing this, I'm sure. I don't mean to be. It's not that I desire to take from others as I need, because I much prefer to give, but I just like to know that if it ends up being a hard month that someone is right there wanting to help. In the Kingdom of God we should have no need to worry. And I am blessed to have family that looks out for me, and I try to look out for others as much as I am able... there's just something a little off in the heart of it all.

I think we need to come together and feel each other's burdens so we can relate to it, and together lift those burdens. It's been rewarding for me to spend time with some much less fortunate that myself, and learning what life can look like to someone who would consider me wealthy. It makes me want to devote less of my income to myself, when I see someone who is living a life of even less. What do I really need? How can I justify spending that much on that thing? Is this shirt really too old, or is it still functional? Do I need to eat as much as I do? Is a form of entertainment that costs money really that much more fun than playing games with friends for free?

I don't really know the point of this blog. I consider it very unfocused and probably not effective at conveying a point I have not even come to realize myself. Ultimately, I'm stressed today. I have no reason to be though, because God has never let me down. There is absolutely no reason to believe God is not in control of the situation.

Sorry

Ok guys, I know this isn't the most Christian thing to post, and maybe I'll retract it later... but a friend of mine with the initials J.D. came up with the idea... and some may find it funny, some may find it offensive, others may just scratch their heads.

It made me chuckle, but no doubt I'm an unrighteous sinner.


Whoever Photoshopped that is masterful :)

What Is New?

Do you ever have someone ask you, "What's new?" and you realize that you haven't been paying enough attention to your life to even know what is new. You've completely gone on autopilot, and can tell someone more about what the new happenings are in your favorite TV show than you can about your own authentic, real, live, late breaking existence. That's how I feel most of the time.

When I look back at my recent life, even the last several weeks, I know I'm doing stuff. Some of the things are even kind of new, untypical, and meaningful... but I still have trouble remembering them for some reason. Perhaps we can become so focused as to what is next, that we forget to remember what has been, and how our past has shaped and is shaping what we do today.

I haven't blogged on here for almost a month, which seems ridiculous. My good friend Kelly reminded me I need to update my blog so she can keep some tabs on my life, so here I am. Oh and by the way, exciting news! Kelly as of yesterday is engaged!!! I know she'll probably check up on this blog within the next few days/weeks but I'll talk like she isn't. I'm honestly incredibly happy for Kelly. I feel this way more so for her than I would most people. She's a lovely, genuine person, and I feel like she deserves this, especially because I know the guy she is marrying is as awesome (to replace lovely) and genuine as she is. So yes, I am very pumped that IT actually happened. Way to go!

On with life. So, yeah, today I got engaged. No, none of you (all three of you) believed that one.

Some semi-quick updates:

I'm finally feeling like my place is becoming home. It's nice to not visit my mom's so much, or at least for very short periods of time when I do visit. It's also nice being within a mile of 80% of my travel locations; church 1, church 2, church 3, mom's, aunt's, gym, porch.

I started going to another church. I don't think it'll be an every week thing, but I do kind of like it. It is a 7th Day Adventist church, which I didn't know a ton about going into it, and still have some question... but I like the people, the focus in outreach, and the humility and openness in continuing to learn about who God is and what that means to us. They hold the sabbath day to be Saturday, which works out well. They also meet in a cafe that they run as a sort of fundraiser. It's spiffy.

My friend Raymond, who I think I wrote about before is becoming more motivated to get a job. I helped him apply at TSA. I honestly doubt his ability to get a job there, but I will encourage movement toward him no longer needing to pan handle to pay rent. Now I'm trying to convince him to get a job at the post office or something. I also believe I am not going to give him any more money, at least until he makes some more solid moves toward employment.

I'm low on funds, but am currently doing video for Montour Football's highlight video, so I'm filming most of the games. I am also going to be doing some bigger video work for my uncle's practice, videoing and editing some promotional web videos to scatter around the internet. Plus I just did some computer work for my cousin Sam, and from that he told a friend who is starting a business, so I'm helping him with some minor tech stuff this week and maybe more in the future.

So I suppose life has been in some ways exciting and new with the new friends and activities and living situation, but it also feels extroadinarily mundane. Maybe I miss some of the incredibly close friendships I haven't been sharing in as much lately. The ones where we talk about serious stuff, and then laugh hysterically at funny scenarios, jokes, and remembering old situations we've been in. Those nights that ultimately end up with me half alseep on someone's couch. The times of fellowship and friendship where I can be myself without feeling the need to put on any show, and somehow being more fun and entertaining than if I had been trying. It's great meeting new people and starting friendships, but there's nothing quite like the "old gang."

I feel like I'm approaching a corner in my life, that when I suddenly turn that corner, I'll realize everything is much different than it ever was. I pray that difference will have soft tones of reminiscence and comfort woven into its foreign pattern, so I can find peace in gazing and exploring what new things life has to offer.

I've missed blogging. Sorry this didn't have a smack of ham to it; aka my weird, funny, sarcastic ramblings stuck in places they don't belong.

I may write another blog directly after this one. It will probably be more serious, but has potential for some SOH's (Smack Of Ham). By the way "Smack of Ham" is the new "Hot Water Pie."