2008 Can Eat Donuts!

Prepare to jump around more than Kris Kross (I forgot how young they were).

The holidays were pretty good.  Definitely better than last year.  Every year I connect a little more with one or two members of my family that I hardly ever talk to.  So maybe by the time I'm 50 I can know my own family decently.  We had probably 90 people or so at our Christmas Eve gathering.  My two cousins Dean and Joey did the 12 Days of Christmas again.  It's a sight to behold.  I was told someone filmed it and was placing it on YouTube, but no such luck.  Maybe they'd flag it for exposed middle-aged buttocks.  Yeah, that's right.  If I were placing a link on here, I would not have given you such a warning.

We took more Christmas Day pictures with the manger scene and such.  I'm not posting them here, but they're on Facebook, so you can check them out if you have the proper permissions and whatsnots.  Ha ha... snots.  I did get a present that is the one to brag about.  It's a calendar called "Monthly Doos."  Yeah, it's a calendar featuring a different dog doo at a different scene each month.  It's pretty rockin' and I guess I can start using it come tomorrow.

Yes, tomorrow.  Tomorrow is January 1st, 2009.  And I think we all knows what that means.  Just about 3 years left until the end of the world.  Well technically it's almost 4 years away.  But just make sure you achieve everything you ever wanted to do, or give me anything you ever wanted to give me (a magic set, a sexy kiss, a thimble, a million dollars, a spaceship, humus), just in case the world ends by an alien race of Mayan Indians destroying the world after drawing elaborate crop circles in each and every corn field on Earth and abducting all of our Tom Hanks movies to watch on their way back to Uranus.  I love the Your-anus joke!  Seriously, when was the last time you heard that?  Do clean people with attractive butts hear that joke more often because it's not that offensive.  They know their butt is nothing to be ashamed of.  Where nobody wants to think of gross, lumpy butts, that are covered with filth and left over pieces, so do ugly butts hardly ever hear that hallmark knee-slapper?  We should do a study.

New Year's Eve is always a weird night for me.  I never feel like I have a real place to go.  I almost always seem to find somewhere to go with people I know, but it'll be last minute, like, "oh yeah, do you want to come?"  And wherever I end up, it's always with one or two people I know pretty well, a couple I know alright, and half I've hardly or never met.  New Year's Eve makes me feel like I really don't have a solid friend base.  My friends are spread wide and thin, where most of them aren't friends with each other, as they are with me.  It's just strange.  Is this a normal feeling/situation?  So tonight I'll probably end up with my family and their friends.

Last night was Battle of the Bands.  I was pretty much in charge of the event, which ended up bringing in almost 400 people (over 400 with the bands and staff I'm sure).  It was our biggest event yet.  Kind of stressful at the beginning, but once it got going, and staff people actually showed up, it almost ran itself.  I hope I did an OK job running it.  I don't think anyone would really notice anything wrong with it, but I know a few things I wanted to do that just didn't happen.  But it was a success, and I'll probably spend tomorrow creating an in-depth spread sheet analyzing tallies and ticket stubs in relationship to money brought in and tickets sold.

I think I need something or someone to spice up my life a bit and make it more exciting, or at least different.  Any thoughts?  I was thinking John Stamos.  I look at him and think, there is a guy who can make a life exciting just by being close to it.  He probably has awesome stories about Bob Saget.  And maybe when I die he'll come to my funeral.

But yeah, lately I've been feeling like it would be nice to have some sort of wingman, you know, the buddy that is always around or some type of female friend that I could constantly ridicule and tease and throw donuts at.  Yeah.  Then, life would be good.  Why is it SO hard to find a girl you can throw donuts at?  It could eventually become like a Chucky Cheese game, where if she got good enough, I would throw donuts at her and she would just unhinge her jaw and swallow them whole.  At some point she would get sick of me throwing donuts at her face and want to make it a positive.  This decision would be win-win.  She gets to eat donuts, and I get an entertaining game of skill to compete at... oh yeah, and she gets morbidly obese.  Thus is life.

Alright Kristin, you're the only one who reads my blog, so I expect some comments.

Nothing Worse Than Left-Over Pieces

Have you seen these new Charmin commercials with the bears who obviously have some sticky butts. The whole thing is about the major issue of toilet paper sticking to the bottoms of bears and possibly humans.

If you haven't seen them, take a peek.




Is there some big epidemic of butts full of shredded toilet paper that I don't know about? Are there lots of people saying, "If only SOMEBODY would make a toilet tissue that wouldn't cling to my anus, THEN maybe my mother would stop running after me with an industrial cleaning brush aimed at my butt!" Well buddy, maybe you should keep your dangling butt chads to yourself, instead of exposing your badunkadunk and rubbing it against the community football.

Remember these commercials. I believe that in the next 10-15 years we will see a drastic rise in young people freely exposing themselves in public, followed by a sudden gleam of light flashing from their extremely clean rear.

God made us to be ashamed of our naked butts! These unholy clingons aid our shame, thus I must assume they are God's will. Don't take the Mark of the Beast, mass produced by Charmin. But if you are too weak to resist the temptation of an effectively wiped backside; if you've already been deceived by the flex-weave... I guess I'll see you in hell.

Oh yeah, and it feels nice when you rub it on your face too.

Splitting Hairs

I'm getting somewhat annoyed and frustrated this holiday season.

My mother asked me to cut my hair for her Christmas present. I know that she asks for this in a way that is wanting what is best for me, but I also know she doesn't spend hours pondering the pros and cons of manufacturing your appearance. Regardless, I figured at this point it would be a better move to cut it for the sake of her feeling good, than for her to resent and nag me the entire holiday season.

After cutting my hair there is an influx of compliments. "Looking hott," "You look so much better now," "Finally!" "You looked like a little boy with long hair, now you look like a man," "You truly do look great with that haircut." I even felt like my roommate was hitting on me, and wished I had a lock on my door that night. Compliments are supposed to make you feel good about yourself, but these "compliments" are making me feel lousy. It's so discouraging when I want to have a positive impact on people in the ways that matter, yet everyone is so hung up on my appearance. It makes me feel like they're trying to induct me into The Beautiful People's Club.

Especially in context of properly teaching teenagers, I've thought about the implications of compliments on physical attributes. They surely can encourage self-esteem. They can also encourage self-absorbtion, disorders focused on maintaining "beauty" at any cost, and imbalanced self-worth. And of couse, gazing down the road, looks don't usually last a lifetime. When a person builds their self-worth upon something as flimsy as appearance, what do they do when it all comes crashing down; either at once by some sort of accident, or gradually with age.

The public is never satisfied either. Now that my hair is cut, they focus on the next issue at hand. "When are you going to cut that thing off?!? (in reference to my beardish thing)" Once I cut that off, they'll probably want me to start going for some sort of skin treatments at my uncle's Skin Center. And as I continue to do what they want, they will compliment me and encourage me to commit further and further to their Beautiful People's Club. But I'll never be free from ridicule. I believe that those who care about such things, and give you a discouraging encouragement (e.g. you weren't good enough before, but now that you're more like us you're better) are the same people who talk behind your back, or silently dwell on what they find superficially negative about you.

I don't want to be like that, yet I'm surrounded by it. I want to save others from this disease of being o verly critical of things that don't matter whatsoever (amazingly these same people tend to not be the ones who emerse themself deep in thought on the most important issues, but adopt shallow, common views). If not for their own sake, for mine. I'm more superficial than I'd like to be, and I know that it is caused and perpetuated by this rooted issue.

I'm not opposed to looking good, or looking how you want. I'm not opposed to being attractive. But why do I need to be physically appealing to my mother? My friends? Strangers? Shouldn't I focus on being attractive to them in personality, deeds, and love? Except for that "special someone" I don't think physical attractiveness should play the role it currently does in society. And even that special someone should be far more attracted to the person than the look, because, once again, it could go away at any time. Then where would you be?

Fasting

16"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Treasures in Heaven

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

- Matthew 6:16-21

Don't go out and make yourself look horrible because of this. But a smile and a great attitude would be a better disguise than hair gel and makeup. This is most certainly a fast... a fast from physical obsession. But if you can gain joy and peace and an attitude to go out and love who God has made you to be, how will it look like a fast to everyone else? They're going to want what you've got. Don't be convicted out of guilt, be convicted with a heart that desires life.

Go after the things that don't rust and wither. Value and pursue things that matter, for where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.

And regardless of whether you want to give an ear to living the way I suggest, at least consider how you compliment someone. Does it enliven the real or does it boost the superficial? Is this an uplifting encouragement or is it a discouraging encouragement?

Alright, I'm off to go play Pretty Pretty Princess.

Let's Cheer For Christmas Cheer

The last several Christmasses... Christmas's... Christmasi... San Diegans have felt off. It was like I didn't even sense Christmas coming (despite the radio stations playing Christmas music mid November), and then before I knew it, everything was over. Then I was left longing for something that didn't even seem to happen. In fact probably my favorite part of the holiday last year was taking some ridiculous pictures in the front lawn (displayed below).

I think they really captured what Christmas is really about now... Blasphemy! Jesus and the American flag... Lacey as the Virgin Mary, me replacing Jesus... flirting with the Mother Mary, and Jesus with a giant TV remote.

This Christmas feels better. I have some Christmas cheer that is appropriate to what the holiday is really about. I'm actually glad Christmas music is on the radio, and I have even been playing some on my computer (Sufjan Stevens currently). I am experiencing a certain amount of joy about it all. Perhaps my family is becoming a little closer than it has been in years past and that has something to do with it. But I think I just have a more balanced attitude this season. I'm encouraged for those who are standing up for what is right this season, and I feel like I am in some way a part of that.

Maybe I feel a little bit of the generous spirit of the holidays warming my heart because I've been actively trying to live generously in my life (holiday or not). Over the last several months I have engaged with individuals who have needs, and I've sacrificed to help meet those needs. Christmas often feels like a time of obligatory giving, and that's the problem... I feel obligated to give so that I can convince myself I am not selfish or something. But I'm content with the lifestyle I am moving towards. I don't feel bad about giving less to people who don't need, when I know I am using those resources to give to those who have very little; whether in my own community or in impoverished countries.

I'm not saying all of this to toot my own horn. If you feel I am being self-absorbed and self-congratulatory, we can sit down and chat, and I will lay out the reasons why I am a bad person. I am instead offering something I am learning and I am experiencing. I am sincerely enjoying the holidays, which I haven't this much in a long time.

I'm coming out of a time of feeling isolated in myself, not relying on God, and actively ignoring the spiritual, educational, and relational things I knew I should be doing. I was frustrated with myself. It's the ultimate insult to your creator when he blesses you with abilities, calls you to utilize them, and although you know you should... you just don't want to, and run away instead. It's the kind of situation that makes you fish food.

But things are better now, and I need to make up for my recent laziness. I want to be an example. I don't want to compromise, but I still want to be loving. My wish this holiday is to be a blessing and to allow others to bless me. There are times I am so welled up with love for people I wouldn't really expect to feel that way about. As per a previous post, I think I need to make an effort to let my love out, rather than stifling it, and allowing it to mellow.

Holidays aren't an allowance to act a certain way once a year... they're a reminder to act a certain way all year. Your friends and family love you and you love them. The important thing in life is that Jesus came and died for us, what else can bring us down? Peace is here, why fret the rest of the year? Salvation has come in certainty, live in that instead of the ambiguity of life! Remember all you have. Don't compare what you have to what everyone else has, live in the generosity Jesus endorses.

The Lord has come and is, celebrate!

Scratch Each Others Egos

Have you ever been afraid to pay someone a compliment because you don't quite know where you stand with them? Perhaps they are one of those people that you just idolize and elevate to a pedestal, and so you assume that if they're up there, they must be looking down on you. The game commences where you try to become close friends without seeming too needy.

Or maybe it's someone of the opposite sex that you're into. You see the world in him/her and know they don't or can't find the same in you. It becomes an endless back and forth of getting your hopes up and then letting your self-esteem pull you down.

Why do we make celebrity figures out of certain people in our lives? Why do we make friendship and acceptance such a labyrinth instead of a straight shot? Why do I assume that other humans are beyond self-consciousness or have it all together?

Why am I so scared of any form of rejection that I often avoid giving compliments?

Around some I feel equal and capable of handing out and receiving compliments and encouragement. Around others I feel I need to prove myself and constantly doubt my ability to attain such acceptance, or harder yet be desirable by them.

I don't know if you're like me, but I tend to catalog all of my skills, attributes, etc. and list them out so I can see the things that give me worth. But they never seem like enough on their own. Value is in the eye of the beholder. If you aren't telling me I'm valuable in one way or another, I'll never believe I have anything to offer.

Freely flowing words of encouragement are the great equalizer. They remind us of the worth of others and in doing so, come back around to remind us of our own worth.

Stop hiding your light under a basket. Let it be seen!

Questionaire

Hey kiddos,

I just put up a post on pragmatically charged, and would love any input I can get. The link to the post can be found here.

Ode To A Non-Friend

There is an unwelcome intruder on my ceiling
He is constantly wandering as he pleases
The sight of him gives me an uneasy feeling
Knowing full well he's bearing diseases

He has a strange fascination with my light
I think it's the reason that he's staying
I'd turn it off if it darkness wasn't my fright
Cause momma would stick me in a box for disobeying

Do I dare close my eyes and find some peace?
His motives for being here are still in question
And what if his exploration doesn't cease
His ultimate fate could come through my digestion

Crawling down my mouth and into my belly
Will he break apart like a time-release drug?
As my stomach acid liquefies him into a jelly
I'd dread my burps cause he is a stink bug

Why are you here, oh bug of the air?
When you know I could crunch you with hardly a thought
I pierce your soul with a penetrating glare
I'm jealous of you and the talent you've got

You're slow enough, you'd be easy to catch
I could killed you now with a sharp little dart
Even then you would still win the match
Because striking you dead would release your inner fart

You remain peaceful toward me while I make threats
Perhaps you have come to be my protector
Guarding me from my rival enemy, The Jets
Just promise me you won't be a defector

Certainly you are a sacred gift from the Lord
Saving me magically from any known issue
Ehh, screw it I'm bored
I'm just gonna squish you


Sorry that wasn't better. My standards are dwindling.

Hold On...

Today is Monday, meaning yesterday was Sunday, which was the last day of this year's Campus Life winter retreat, Fallout.

It's always a fun trip. Usually I am solely or at least largely, "Video Guy." But it's fun interacting with the kids, hanging out with Brooks, playing boxball, and seeing the kids enjoy my video. The last few years I've gone as more than just a video guy, also being a staff person with a student there. My cousin had been my only Campus Life student attending any of the trips, and because of that she would end up falling into the responsibility of another group, as I was largely preoccupied with videoing.

This year I had two new students and one of my volunteers, Jared, helping. I had a bit of help on the video end this year, which allowed me to participate more in the activities of Fallout, although I still did miss out on a few things. Part of me was glad I had to allow Jared to be more of a representative to the students there. I know he also formed much stronger bonds with the kids from spending more time with them, especially Jonathan, our only male student there. I'm a control freak, and someone who thinks I need to be a part of things for them to get done, but it's just not true, and I'm glad God helped show me the fruit of allowing others to step up in situations. Even now I feel less stressed about the future knowing I can let go of controlling a little easier, and hold on to those around me for help.

The theme this year was Hold On, and it turned out to be a great theme. The speaker was Don Talley, who is handicapped, in that he is one of only a few people in the world with a muscle condition that leaves him very weak (kind of like MS I think). He spoke of the hardship in his life from this disease showing itself in his physical limitations, emotion turmoil, and spiritual restlings. Through it all, he spoke about us holding onto God and God noticing us and making himself available to us. Frank, who organized the trip this year, also wrote out a lesson for the leaders (me included) to teach our designated group of students. This discussion focused on holding on to each other and being held on to. That is what a community based on love should be. It addressed masks we wear to cover who we really are, and not trusting others with who you really are, out of fear. We discussed how we help those wearing masks, and we can make a decision to take off our own masks, but one of the best parts of that, I think, was the time where students paired up with other students they didn't know so well, and they had an open discussion where they weren't hiding. They loved it, and I loved that they loved it. I truly hope they embrace a life without masks in their daily life. That they will learn to be open and real with those they come in contact with. That they will notice people as God notices us, and love them as God first loved us.

I was slightly nervous about speaking to a group of students that aren't my regulars. I'm not nervous about what they think, but maybe about measuring up against some of the other awesome leaders we have who are more experienced. But I do think our conversation went really well, and I hope that I helped bring forth God's Truth in an appropriate way.

So, now some of the less serious stuff of the weekend...
Brooks and I had a new driving buddy on the way up and back from Fallout... Katie, who always seems to hang out in the back booth with us, tagged along, which meant I had competition for the front seat. She also spilled her Mt. Dew in floor of the back seat, which she never told Brooks about.

I had video help from a guy named Justin. It was nice to have a bit more freedom, but I still got a lot of my own footage. When you've done this for as long as I have, it seems easier to just do it myself the way I want it, rather than getting stuff that isn't quite what I want.

There was a game we played where all the guys hold on tight to each other, and the girls have to try to pull the guys apart. My forearms felt like they were going to pop after that one. Then later I found tons of bruises all over my body from the girls ripping my limbs from the other guys. I also played boxball again this year and might have broken my finger (broke my nose last year). But I don't think it's really broken, just kind of messed up/swollen. It's my middle finger, so I flick off a lot of people wearing my splint.

I thought I would get done editing the Fallout video at a reasonable hour this year, since I already had the intro done and such, but that wasn't the case. I guess in my aged state I don't stay up late as well as I used to. Around 1AM I started dozing, and everything I went to watch a clip, I'd fall asleep for a few seconds and miss it. Thus editing took a really long time, and I didn't get to go to bed at all. No shower, no new clothes, no sleep until on the way home, I slept about 30 min. or so. I would have slept more if Brooks didn't play Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen... Katie and I broke out into a duet sing-along at the top of our lungs, and I was once again very awake.

So yeah, I was a walking zombie most of the day yesterday. I thought my video was kind of lamer than usual, but once it was ont he big screen I actually thought it was pretty good. I made fun of Dave (one of our staff) again this year. Last Fallout, he didn't participate in Boxball and the staff lost, so throughout the video I kept putting in text about Dave giving 100%, and then made fun of him for not giving 100% by not playing boxball. This year he played, so I did investigation breaks documenting him during boxball, mostly making fun of if he yawned or whatnot. I hope he's not mad at me. He really does a good job, I just do it for laughs from the kids.

So yeah, good trip overall... just one of my students when I asked her if she had a good time said "No. Did you expect anything else from me?" She was kind of sick, and also kind of a hypocondriac. It was stressful, but I do hope she got something out of it. She had tons of opportunities to have fun, and I think she had more than she admits, but most of the time she just chose not to join in. Bummer.

Campus Life is like family though. The testimonies at the end of the week attest to that. Students feel like they don't have to pretend they're something they're not. They can be themselves and be loved. I got caught up on a lot of hugs and loving words that I talked about needing in my previous post... plus we had a dance party the last night, courtesy of Brooks.

Trips like this show what Campus Life is really all about.

I'm really looking forward to Heatwave, and hope to be brining more students and staff.

Here's the weekend's video